Dear Avery,
Today you are one year old. Happy birthday, precious baby girl.
I feel slightly teary as I sit down to write this. I truly
cannot believe that it’s already been a year since you were born. On the other
hand, I can’t remember what life was like without you.
You are such an incredible blessing. You complete our family
just perfectly. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I literally could not
breathe. I was overwhelmed, looking at our very full life, the wild 14 month
old running around like a madman, the house that seemed to be slowly getting
even smaller. I didn’t know how I would do it, how we could juggle all of this.
I spent the first 17 weeks of my pregnancy so very sick, throwing up all over
the country, sometimes 10, 20, 30 times a day. Then slowly, my excitement grew.
I always knew I loved you, and that eventually it would be impossible to
imagine like without you, but over the weeks and months, as I began to feel
your kicks and hear your heartbeat, I felt the assurance that everything was
going to be just fine. I was so excited when I found out you were a girl. Even
after four ultrasounds confirming you were a girl, I still was afraid to
believe it. We planned for your arrival and sorted through all the logistics
and concerns. Then you were born. I loved you so much from that very first
moment I saw you (approximately 30 seconds after I started pushing), even in
the flurry of commotion that was your birth, I felt like the world stopped when
the nurse put you in my arms and you nuzzled into my chest. You didn’t even
cry, you had adorable little squeaks and sighs and gazed up at me with such
beautiful, wondering eyes.
And here we are, a year later. You are all over the place,
taking lots of steps but not quite walking. You are loud and full of zeal. You
are independent. Even as you’re learning to walk, you don’t want us to hold
your hands, you want to do it all on your own. You are very much a mama’s girl,
that was your first word and sometimes you refuse to let anyone else hold you. You
follow me around the house like an adorable puppy. You cry the second I leave
the room and squeal the moment I come back. You are a charmer of all, but
you’re also shy, burying your head in my shoulder as you smile at strangers. You
have the loudest, most furious cry! And it’s the same cry for serious times and
injuries as it is for things like running out of cheerios. You love dogs (or,
as you call them, “gogs!”). You have delightful quirks that crack us up, like
chewing on door hinges. You are obsessed with your brother’s toys, especially
trains and cars, and ransacking any cupboard you can get your little hands in
to. You think your brother is the funniest person ever. As you grow, you’re
playing more together and becoming buddies, but you’re not afraid to take a toy
back from him and you hold your own with him. You love music, almost as much as
you love to dance.
You are tough and independent. I’ve known that all along.
You proved that even today. You got sick over the weekend, and aside from some
crankier than normal moments, you kept right on going. After a trip to the
doctor today, we found out you actually have double ear infections. I knew you
had a mind of your own even when I was pregnant, when you hid on the ultrasound
and punched and kicked away the sensors. Then when my pregnancy never seemed to
end, when I was still very pregnant almost a week late with no sign of the end
coming soon, and then when labor was induced and you proceeded to enter the
world in the fastest birth ever. I knew it when the lactation consultant called
you feisty at six days old. You continued to show that independent streak when
you refused to sleep through the night at 11 months, despite our best efforts. I
love that about you, especially since you are also so sweet and cuddly (on your
own terms, of course). Although I may
really regret saying this, I pray that you continue to embrace that independent
side, that you’re always empowered to make your own (hopefully wise) decisions
and be whoever you want to be.
We have had a wild year, full of an almost unbelievable assortment
of events and every emotion possible. I’m glad I didn’t know everything that
was in store for us this year, and even more thankful that we’ve made it
through. You have taught me so much, baby girl. You would think I would have
learned it all in your brother’s first year of life, but apparently I still had
a lot to learn about trust and peace and joy and letting the small things go. I
still have a lot to learn, so please be patient and please be kind.
We had a party for your last weekend to celebrate your first
birthday, and also, more subtly, to commemorate the fact that we all survived
the last year. The theme was rainbows and sunshine, which I chose because it
fits you so well. You are full of life and color, and so happy and cheerful. At
several points your dad asked me why I was devoting so much time and energy
thinking about your party. I think it’s because I want you to have the best of
everything in life.
I am so incredibly blessed to be your mother. My heart truly
overflows with love for you, my sweet girl.
Happy birthday, Avery.
So much love,
Mama
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