I write this with a very heavy heart. A girl on the Nest's boards passed away this weekend on Sunday, September 27th due to an amniotic fluid embolism, just hours after giving birth to her first child, Gabrielle.
Gabrielle is doing well and will be released from the NICU this week.
Jewelyn's husband, Philip, is going to need all the help he can get over the coming months and years.
A PO Box has been set up to receive formula checks and diaper coupons. Any and all brands will be accepted, and whatever Philip doesn't use will be donated to the Liz Logelin Foundation.
Formula checks and diaper coupons can be sent to:
Jewelyn Okamoto Memorial Fund
PO Box 235971
Encinitas, CA 92023-5971
For those who want to send packages (larger than an envelope), the address for that is:
Brandi Futrell
c/o Jewelyn Okamoto Memorial Fund
14928 S. Maple Ave.
Gardena, CA 90248
You can also send a donation to the paypal account email address, 4jewelyn@gmail.com, in case anyone wants to send a couple dollars to help her husband and baby.
Please keep this sweet baby girl and her daddy in your prayers.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
3 whole months!
Dear Carter,
You’re no longer a newborn anymore. You’re officially 3 months old and we cannot believe how much you’re growing and changing every day.
First and foremost, I have some big news. The most amazing thing happened this month: YOU SLEPT! The sun is brighter, flowers are more fragrant, the birds are cheerier, and the world is a beautiful place! One day right after you hit two months I think you must have realized that sleep was a good idea after all. You napped without a fight, and stayed asleep longer than I’d ever seen you nap. A week or two after that, you started sleeping longer at night. And, OH MY GOSH, it was fabulous. I woke your dad up in the middle of the night to ask if he had been up with you and maybe I just somehow slept through it (HA, as if that would happen), and he hadn’t, so my first thought was that something terrible had happened and once I figured out that you were just fine and snoozing away I wept tears of joy. The prolonged sleep deprivation may have had something to do with the tears. We’re still working up to full nights of sleep now, but you are well on your way.
In general you’ve just been a much happier baby this month. You’re still the same snuggly, funny, adorable little boy, just a little more laid back. Much less screaming, fewer demands, lots of smiles and laughs. You’ve gone from an angry dictator to a happy baby. I’m afraid I’m jinxing it by typing those words, but my goal here is to capture the last month of your life, so I have to be honest.
You had more adventures in the first 12 weeks of your life than some kids probably have in a whole childhood. It’s just too bad you a. won’t remember them and b. slept through most of them. This month we went to the zoo again, I took you to the beach for the first time, and you attended your first birthday party. You may not remember much but I promise the pictures are cute. You can just call me the mama-razzi.
You are growing leaps and bounds developmentally. You smile and laugh ALL THE TIME now. It’s the greatest thing ever! You talk constantly, although I can’t quite figure out what you’re trying to say with all of that babbling but it sure is cute. You’re grabbing things now, too. Of all the wonderful toys we went to the store and actually paid money for, your hands are your very favorite. In fact, I think you may need a 12-step program. The brief seconds in which we must separate from your hands to pull your shirt over your head (and your head is enormous, so that takes a little while. Clothing designers did not have you in mind when they designed shirts) or wash those little fingers when we bathe you almost require an intervention. For a little guy, you’re quite strong and you do NOT want to be parted from your dear precious hands. As much as you love them, you’re just beginning to figure out that they might be, like, connected to you or something. Your dad calls it a standoff- you stare at one of them with a look that he narrates: “It’s you and me, hand. And you are getting in my mouth!” You proceed to very slowly pull said hand toward your mouth but it usually ends up in your eye, crashing into your ear, beating your forehead, and THEN, oh sweet, sweet victory, IN YOUR MOUTH! A few days ago you actually reached out for a toy, grabbed on, and proceeded to attempt the same path to your mouth. Let’s just say you haven’t quite gotten that skill down, but it’s mere moments before you are grabbing at everything and promptly sticking it in your mouth. We’re in trouble.
This has been a month of change. Not surprisingly, nothing has phased you. I had to go back to work last week, which was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. You were completely oblivious. You’re quite lucky to spend the day with your grandma where you get more attention than is probably healthy. Your auntie Anna left for college in New York, which was again harder for me than for her or you. On the way home from saying goodbye to her I told your dad I’m locking you in your room until you’re 25. Maybe longer. He’s trying to talk me out of it, but I’m still contemplating it.
Last week marked the 8th anniversary of September 11. It’s hard to describe that day and what it meant, but just know that I hugged you a little longer that day in remembrance of the incredible brevity of life. I even ditched my structure and parenting theories and let you sleep in my arms instead of putting you down in your crib. I’m pretty sure one nap won’t ruin you and at the end of the day, if you feel safe and cared for and loved, I feel like I’ve done my job.
Love,
Mama
You’re no longer a newborn anymore. You’re officially 3 months old and we cannot believe how much you’re growing and changing every day.
First and foremost, I have some big news. The most amazing thing happened this month: YOU SLEPT! The sun is brighter, flowers are more fragrant, the birds are cheerier, and the world is a beautiful place! One day right after you hit two months I think you must have realized that sleep was a good idea after all. You napped without a fight, and stayed asleep longer than I’d ever seen you nap. A week or two after that, you started sleeping longer at night. And, OH MY GOSH, it was fabulous. I woke your dad up in the middle of the night to ask if he had been up with you and maybe I just somehow slept through it (HA, as if that would happen), and he hadn’t, so my first thought was that something terrible had happened and once I figured out that you were just fine and snoozing away I wept tears of joy. The prolonged sleep deprivation may have had something to do with the tears. We’re still working up to full nights of sleep now, but you are well on your way.
In general you’ve just been a much happier baby this month. You’re still the same snuggly, funny, adorable little boy, just a little more laid back. Much less screaming, fewer demands, lots of smiles and laughs. You’ve gone from an angry dictator to a happy baby. I’m afraid I’m jinxing it by typing those words, but my goal here is to capture the last month of your life, so I have to be honest.
You had more adventures in the first 12 weeks of your life than some kids probably have in a whole childhood. It’s just too bad you a. won’t remember them and b. slept through most of them. This month we went to the zoo again, I took you to the beach for the first time, and you attended your first birthday party. You may not remember much but I promise the pictures are cute. You can just call me the mama-razzi.
You are growing leaps and bounds developmentally. You smile and laugh ALL THE TIME now. It’s the greatest thing ever! You talk constantly, although I can’t quite figure out what you’re trying to say with all of that babbling but it sure is cute. You’re grabbing things now, too. Of all the wonderful toys we went to the store and actually paid money for, your hands are your very favorite. In fact, I think you may need a 12-step program. The brief seconds in which we must separate from your hands to pull your shirt over your head (and your head is enormous, so that takes a little while. Clothing designers did not have you in mind when they designed shirts) or wash those little fingers when we bathe you almost require an intervention. For a little guy, you’re quite strong and you do NOT want to be parted from your dear precious hands. As much as you love them, you’re just beginning to figure out that they might be, like, connected to you or something. Your dad calls it a standoff- you stare at one of them with a look that he narrates: “It’s you and me, hand. And you are getting in my mouth!” You proceed to very slowly pull said hand toward your mouth but it usually ends up in your eye, crashing into your ear, beating your forehead, and THEN, oh sweet, sweet victory, IN YOUR MOUTH! A few days ago you actually reached out for a toy, grabbed on, and proceeded to attempt the same path to your mouth. Let’s just say you haven’t quite gotten that skill down, but it’s mere moments before you are grabbing at everything and promptly sticking it in your mouth. We’re in trouble.
This has been a month of change. Not surprisingly, nothing has phased you. I had to go back to work last week, which was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. You were completely oblivious. You’re quite lucky to spend the day with your grandma where you get more attention than is probably healthy. Your auntie Anna left for college in New York, which was again harder for me than for her or you. On the way home from saying goodbye to her I told your dad I’m locking you in your room until you’re 25. Maybe longer. He’s trying to talk me out of it, but I’m still contemplating it.
Last week marked the 8th anniversary of September 11. It’s hard to describe that day and what it meant, but just know that I hugged you a little longer that day in remembrance of the incredible brevity of life. I even ditched my structure and parenting theories and let you sleep in my arms instead of putting you down in your crib. I’m pretty sure one nap won’t ruin you and at the end of the day, if you feel safe and cared for and loved, I feel like I’ve done my job.
Love,
Mama
Thursday, September 3, 2009
The epic battle of motherhood
Next week I go back to work. I've agonized over this day and it continues to barrel at me faster than I can handle. I do feel fortunate for a variety of reasons, including that I really enjoy my job and the people I work with, I'm lucky enough to be able to ease back into work, and Carter will be in the very loving hands of his grandmother, to name a few. But none of that really makes me feel any better about leaving my baby. I do tend be a (huge) stress ball about things like this, so I'm sure the reality will not be as bad as the anticipation of it but I'm still a bit fired up about this.
I was reading a checklist in What to Expect the First Year about going back to work vs. staying home. They really just should have said that all moms should stay home because the list was really biased and guilt-inducing. For example, one point asked how you would feel as a mother to not be there for your child's major milestones. How are you going to feel when your child says his first words without you there? Takes his first steps into someone else's arms? I'm pretty sure that no mother is going to think that sounds like the best idea ever and run right out for a job application.
I have always been very sensitive to the argument of working mothers versus stay at home moms, probably the sociologist in me, but I'm more passionate about it now than ever. I'm not going back to work because I don't like being home with my child. In fact, to the surprise of everyone in my life who knows me and knows that I don't sit still very well, I am content to play on the floor and I'm not crawling the walls at all. I'm not going back to work because I feel like I'm an educated woman who needs to use my skills, feels like I need to earn some control over my destiny, need the interaction, etc. There is one reason I'm going back to work: the dolla dolla bill y'all.
In our family, both parents need to work and I wish so-called modern society was a bit more sensitive to this plight. The whole argument of your wages from working outside the home are basically a wash when you consider the cost of day-care, work clothes, commuting etc. doesn't really work for most people. Yes, we will need to spend some money for me to make money, but there's no amount of corner-cutting and belt-tightening that eliminates the need for me to work. Unless we cut out those frivolous expenses like food, electricity, water, and shelter. If this wasn't the case, I don't know what I would do. I'd probably stay home, but truthfully I don't really let myself think too far down that path. All of those checklists of how to evaluate if you want to go back to work or not really should be more like a choose-your-own-adventure book. The question "do you need two incomes?" is not one box on a huge list of pros and cons. If you don't, proceed to page 72 and think about it some more. If you do need your income, that's the end of the list. Maybe instead we can use the remaining space and energy to support families who need to make it work. Seth and I have a pretty successful partnership and since we both work outside of the home, we both work in the home. That's a huge key to me keeping it together. Also, that battle of working moms and stay at home moms has got to stop. I would love to see women (and men) just get along and be sensitive to the challenges of everyone's very different lives, whether your reality is to stay home with your kids, work, not have kids, or whatever your path may be.
And, let's just go ahead and skip the part about your baby taking his first steps into someone else's arms. It's an unfortunate possibility, but I've already talked to Carter and he's agreed to be very boring with everyone but me. So at least there's that.
I was reading a checklist in What to Expect the First Year about going back to work vs. staying home. They really just should have said that all moms should stay home because the list was really biased and guilt-inducing. For example, one point asked how you would feel as a mother to not be there for your child's major milestones. How are you going to feel when your child says his first words without you there? Takes his first steps into someone else's arms? I'm pretty sure that no mother is going to think that sounds like the best idea ever and run right out for a job application.
I have always been very sensitive to the argument of working mothers versus stay at home moms, probably the sociologist in me, but I'm more passionate about it now than ever. I'm not going back to work because I don't like being home with my child. In fact, to the surprise of everyone in my life who knows me and knows that I don't sit still very well, I am content to play on the floor and I'm not crawling the walls at all. I'm not going back to work because I feel like I'm an educated woman who needs to use my skills, feels like I need to earn some control over my destiny, need the interaction, etc. There is one reason I'm going back to work: the dolla dolla bill y'all.
In our family, both parents need to work and I wish so-called modern society was a bit more sensitive to this plight. The whole argument of your wages from working outside the home are basically a wash when you consider the cost of day-care, work clothes, commuting etc. doesn't really work for most people. Yes, we will need to spend some money for me to make money, but there's no amount of corner-cutting and belt-tightening that eliminates the need for me to work. Unless we cut out those frivolous expenses like food, electricity, water, and shelter. If this wasn't the case, I don't know what I would do. I'd probably stay home, but truthfully I don't really let myself think too far down that path. All of those checklists of how to evaluate if you want to go back to work or not really should be more like a choose-your-own-adventure book. The question "do you need two incomes?" is not one box on a huge list of pros and cons. If you don't, proceed to page 72 and think about it some more. If you do need your income, that's the end of the list. Maybe instead we can use the remaining space and energy to support families who need to make it work. Seth and I have a pretty successful partnership and since we both work outside of the home, we both work in the home. That's a huge key to me keeping it together. Also, that battle of working moms and stay at home moms has got to stop. I would love to see women (and men) just get along and be sensitive to the challenges of everyone's very different lives, whether your reality is to stay home with your kids, work, not have kids, or whatever your path may be.
And, let's just go ahead and skip the part about your baby taking his first steps into someone else's arms. It's an unfortunate possibility, but I've already talked to Carter and he's agreed to be very boring with everyone but me. So at least there's that.
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