Full of gratitude.

I am full to the brim with thankfulness this year. Overflowing, even.

I am so thankful for the little people in my life. My sweet boy who lights up my life, makes me laugh each and every day, helps me grow and learn so much. My wild girl who brings joy to my heart, with her adorable smiles and the best hugs, her sneaky antics, and the way she curiously observes the world.

Of course I'm thankful for lots of bigger people too. Among them is a husband who is as involved a father as he could be, who keeps me grounded and keeps me laughing (sometimes at myself).

I'm thankful to have the last year of our lives behind us, to leave some of the pain and frustration, but thankful to carry on those lessons learned and perspective gained in those difficult times. Although it's not perfect, I'm thankful for the season we're in. Thankful for our relatively good health, for little things like warmth in our home and cupboards full of food. For cars that drive us where we need to go.

For the new babies around us, and for the much-prayed-for baby growing in the belly of a dear friend (who I'm guessing will be happily passing up a glass of delicious wine this Thanksgiving).

We're thankful God is giving us an opportunity to help plant a new church, even though we're sad to leave behind the church we've called home for over 7 years and friends we've grown to love like family.

If I counted a day of thankfulness for everything I'm thankful for, I could probably go on for a year. A few days ago, Carter was running around the grass playing with his sister. Completely unprompted, he paused for a minute and sprinted over to me and said "I just told God a nice thing. I told him 'we're so happy you made us!'" I can't come up with anything better than those precious words. I'm so happy to be here, in this life, and so thankful for all the many, many blessings I've been given.

Parents of the year.

Courtesy of the New York Times, "Thrill-seekers watched the tide at Hampton Beach in Hampton, N.H."

Evacuation orders and natural disasters always bring about some interesting behavior, but these people really need to get their kids away from the biggest storm to hit the US, maybe ever. Especially that sweet girl in pink clinging on for dear life. She needs to be home snuggled with a blanket and some hot cocoa. 

Conversations with Carter

Carter really does say so many things that catch us off guard or are just so funny, I can't even remember them all. This is my attempt to capture some recent treasures-

Last night, when getting ready for bed:
"Daddy, it's getting dark outside. The earth is rotating."

Driving home from school, when I was trying to ask him how his day was:

"I'm not telling you about my daaay! It was just lots of things that were boring. All my friends were just ransacking. I'm just kidding about that."

The boring thing is a variation of what we sometimes tell him when he asks about work stories we're telling. Also, to my surprise, he correctly defined ransacking. 

He is so into Star Wars right now. When I picked him up from school, he was perched on top of a tunnel/toy thing they have and he exclaimed:

"Mama! I was racing to the planet! It was about to explode! but I saved it."

His teachers may start questioning our parenting. 

Weekend Recap

1. SeaWorld at Halloween with small children is awesome. Two words: Treat Stations.

2. Getting stuck at the top of the sky tower is not. Two things you don't want to hear from the ride operator: "the mechanics are on their way up" and "this is making me a little nervous, too."

3. Three story Targets are cool, but I think I'll stick to my one story Target.

4. Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me. Level 3 of the 30 Day Shred is not kind. I was yelling at the tv, and today I'm sore in places I don't even understand.

Hebrews 3:13

But encourage each other every day, while you still have something called “today.”

Sidenote: this is from the "Easy-to-Read Version." I did not know there was such a thing, but for some reason I think it's funny. And although it feels like a less Holy version of the Bible, I like this particular translation. And this spoke to my heart this morning.

Shock and awe.

This morning, Carter wanted pancakes with "whooped” cream. I am not normally the parent to indulge my child in dessert topping for breakfast, but it's Friday, it wasn’t a plate of it, and he was going to school soon after where he more than burns off his energy.

So I agreed, but I told him he had to eat it at the table. He likes to sit on the couch for his morning snack, but I’d very much like to phase that out. In the new house, he can sit at the table and still see the tv (our deal is that if he cooperates and is all ready to go, he can watch a show before it’s time to go). He protested, and I braced for a tantrum. I explained that I didn’t want food on the couch and that the new rule was that we were going to eat at the table. (Followed by “Isn’t that so exciting?! Isn’t that a great idea?!”)

Here’s where it got weird. He listened. He hopped down off the couch and came over to the table. Mark it on the calendar, the morning of September 21. The first time my son complied. Calm, rational, logic won him over. I continued to praise him about 5 times.

This is really amusing because I am just about out of ideas with his spirited defiance. These books are currently in my Amazon cart, while I’m weighing which ones to buy:

Taming the Spirited Child, You Can't Make Me, Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child, Try and Make Me!: Simple Strategies That Turn Off The Tantrums and Create Cooperation, Making Children Mind without Losing Yours, and Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, among others.

I know this isn't that big of a deal. I shouldn't really be so surprised that my kid listened. But anyone who thinks that doesn't really know Carter. Oh, that child. His purpose in life is to test and grow me. 

Four beautiful letters.

While it's sad in some ways to close this chapter, but we are so thankful to be done.

Play time

It has been a busy summer. Sometimes it’s been a good busy, full of family and parties and fun adventures. In the midst of moving, we packed our weekends with fun things to distract us from the craziness. We spent time at the beach, the fair, endless celebrations.

Last weekend, we had a free Saturday. Such a thing has not happened since April. I am not exaggerating.

Every Saturday, Carter wakes up and asks if it’s “Stay Home Day.” He asks this many days, with a bit of hopeful anticipation. On Saturdays, we get to tell him it is and he can barely contain his glee. He sometimes dances, sometimes squeals. The boy loves a Saturday. And I do, too, usually to get up and get out of the house, to go and do and accomplish.

So last weekend, on this illusive free Saturday, I asked him what he wanted to do. I was flipping through the options in my head… taking advantage of our Sea World passes, or the aquarium, maybe the beach or the park, the book store, we could do a craft or science experiments…

His answer? Play. Just play. In our house. Preferably in his pajamas.

I want to accomplish, and sometimes it’s sheer necessity that I need to cram in an entire week’s worth of errands and responsibilities into one day. I have lofty goals of planning the most fun day a family has ever had, and everything must be perfect. But Carter just wants to play and relax and hang out. I have so much to learn from that kid. 

and this is why childhood obesity is a problem.

I don't have the greatest eating habits. I have a fairly unhealthy relationship with dessert, I eat Taco Bell, and I've been known to make vegetables that steam in the microwave.

That being said, my kids eat pretty well. I buy organic baby food and made some of my own. Carter didn't have juice until he was well past 2 and even then it was mostly water and 100% juice. He rarely gets dessert and Avery's never had juice or chocolate or a real cookie. Carter is a fantastic eater so I don't worry too much about him, but I'm pretty passionate about children's nutrition, within reason and moderation of course.

Which is why I'm a little fired up. Avery moved up to the Toddler Room this week at daycare, so she now gets the school-provided breakfast and snack and we can opt in to the lunch program. The menu is just awful. Half the time breakfast is just cereal and milk. For a one year old, I really think they should get a minimum of a protein, grain, and some sort of low-sugar produce. Twice this month they're getting JELLO for snack. Jello is not an acceptable snack. Jello is basically sugar, water, and chemicals. Jello is barely a food. We pay what I consider crazy amounts of money for her care, we shouldn't have to send a different snack than the one included because it's junk.

I'm hesitant to say much because we're still relatively new there and I'm already a pretty vocal parent (not surprising) but does anyone have Jaime Oliver's phone number?

Perspective

Aside from a few hiccups and quirks, the new house is great. Everything has gone pretty well in the transition. I find myself looking around at a house bigger than I’d imagined and so much nicer than our old house (although, it’s really not that hard) and feeling really blessed. That’s actually been a little convicting about the previous state of annoyance of my heart.

I have two beautiful children who are healthy and relatively happy, who completely have my heart and bring joy to every day.

I have a husband who supports and loves me.

We have food on the table. Our bills somehow get paid.

We have a roof over heads. Regardless of the size of that roof, it shouldn’t change my relationship with God or my faith in his provision. 

Give thanks to the Lord, for HE is good (i.e. not because the stuff He gives you is good); his love endures forever. Psalm 118: 1

Whirlwind!

Events of the last five days, in chronological order:

1. I turned 28.

2. We moved to a new house.

3. We “celebrated” our anniversary. Seven is the cardboard anniversary, right?

My sister tried SO hard to get us to go out to dinner. Despite my protestations about how much I needed to do, I finally conceded and was looking forward to it. Then Carter totally lost all reason and clung to me like a tree sloth and much freaking out followed. Not wanting to leave my poor sister with that mess of a child and the other crazy one, we decided to go with a rain check. It was kind of fitting of our life. 

4. We have spent hours at places like Ikea and Target buying lots of boxes and bins and a few pieces of furniture and such.

5. We did NOT get any response on what’s going on with the sale of our old house. So still praying we get some final answers there soon. Like yesterday. 

Things I have learned in the past 5 days: 

1. Do not ever attempt to move with a one year old. Especially mine. My sweet, adorable, stealth and mischievous busy girl did not help the process. I spent 30 minutes attempting to unpack one box of books while watching both kids. As soon as they were on the shelf Avery pulled every single one of them off. And then ran away and tried to dive head first down the stairs. 

2. We have way too much stuff. Specifically… 6 boxes of cleaning supplies (no exaggeration at all). It will be at least 5 years before I need another bottle of lotion. And with the massive amount of candles I have, we shouldn’t need to run the heater all winter. 

3. We have truly awesome, incredible family and friends. It almost brings tears to my eyes thinking about all the help and support we’ve had through this process.

More wrenches

The last few months have been such an insane roller coaster that nothing should surprise me at this point. And yet, when we got the call Friday that our buyers had backed out, I really wasn't expecting that. Especially since this buyer confirmed weekly that they were still interested and we were 10 days from the close date. They walked away because they re-ran their calculations and wanted to offer slightly less, which in our situation jeopardizes the whole process and would have to go back to the approval board.

The good news is we now have another buyer that allegedly really wants the house and was able to step into the void. This doesn't have to go back to the board, but still required review and approval and more time.

At this point, we're still planning to move this weekend (assuming our rental is actually ready, although I have my doubts about that, too). The rental market is really tough right now and we don't want to end up without a place to go, or settling for something that really doesn't meet our needs. Plus, we have a lot of specific criteria (dog friendly, kid friendly, specific area, 3 bedrooms, etc.), so we don't have too many choices. And our realtor feels really confident that this is all going to go through with this buyer for several reasons. So here's what we're praying for:

1. A quick process with our lender, and that they would not require additional payment for the extended time (also, lender, we've paid you every single penny of our mortgage plus some, and we settled privately with our second mortgage so you don't have to pay them anything, and we don't have buckets of money sitting around, so if you could just cut us some slack and be cool, that would be awesome). We'd also really like to hear from them before we actually move.  Tomorrow would be great.

2. The buyer's loan would go through quickly which would expedite the process. 

3. The buyer actually goes through with this and actually buys the house.

Wrenches

You know what is super not cool?

When you're all ready to move on Saturday and you get a call the Monday before that the house isn't going to be ready Friday when it was supposed to be, or Saturday when you're supposed to move, or maybe even Sunday. So now that pushes the move that was supposed to happen at 8am Saturday to maybe late Sunday afternoon, or sometime midweek or the next weekend.

This is especially not cool when you have to, you know, move out of your house.  And all this happens after you've already signed the official lease and paid a deposit. And you've already scheduled days off, booked a moving truck, and everything you own is already packed in boxes. 

On the move!

Life is funny sometimes.

About, oh… 19 (or 20?) months ago, we decided to sell our house. It was a decision we agonized over. Like most people who bought when we did, the market didn’t quite turn out how we thought it would. Unique to us was the situation of our house and the massive amount of money we would need to invest in making our house merely functional. In the end, we decided to move forward with the short sale, considering baby #2 was on the way a little sooner than expected.

“Move forward” is not a term that should ever be associated with the sale of our home. Perhaps “creep forward, slide backward, stall, and then scoot one millimeter forward” might fit.

Today we got the miraculous news that we’re officially approved.  And we close on July 25. As in, 20 days. Also, a Wednesday. Also, the busiest time of our busiest month. The Saturday before that, the 21^st, is already busy with all kinds of festivities. So, it looks like we’re moving the 14^th. As in, less than 10 days.

Although we’re thrilled to be at the end of this road, the irony is not lost on me that we have waited MONTHS and MONTHS and now we have less than 10 days. As maddening as it is, we'll make it happen somehow!

Hello Summer!!!

I am totally and completely exhausted from last weekend's festivities of a preschool graduation program, Carter's birthday, followed by birthday party, a friend from college staying with us, and taking on ridiculous projects like going through my closet. Also, I purged about 75 pounds of clothes.

I am so excited for this summer and all the joy I hope it holds for our family, and a little madness (and gosh I hope there's a move in there somewhere). 

500 Days

This is a not so happy milestone. Today marks the 500th day since we put our house on the market.

500.

That's almost half of Carter's life, and significantly more than Avery's whole life.

That's 500 days of anxiety over what's next, stress/trying to have faith and find peace, being show ready with a toddler and a pregnant mama, a toddler and a newborn, a toddler, a baby and two parents working full time, now we're pretty much at toddler and preschooler. I don't even want to think about how many strangers have been in my home, judging my belongings and decor and probably thinking our very protective dog was going to lunge through the glass door and eat them. A year of a baby sleeping in our room because she's too loud for her brother and he's too loud for her.

I honestly cannot even begin to count how many pieces of paper we've had to read, sign, and return. Probably 200, maybe more. By the time this is all over, we're going to have a lot more grey hairs and some serious carpal tunnel. That is, if it ever ends! Someday, maybe. Some people throw housewarming parties. We'll throw a "thank God we're finally getting the heck out of this house!" party.

12 Months of Avery

Dear Avery,

Today you are one year old. Happy birthday, precious baby girl.

I feel slightly teary as I sit down to write this. I truly cannot believe that it’s already been a year since you were born. On the other hand, I can’t remember what life was like without you.

You are such an incredible blessing. You complete our family just perfectly. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I literally could not breathe. I was overwhelmed, looking at our very full life, the wild 14 month old running around like a madman, the house that seemed to be slowly getting even smaller. I didn’t know how I would do it, how we could juggle all of this. I spent the first 17 weeks of my pregnancy so very sick, throwing up all over the country, sometimes 10, 20, 30 times a day. Then slowly, my excitement grew. I always knew I loved you, and that eventually it would be impossible to imagine like without you, but over the weeks and months, as I began to feel your kicks and hear your heartbeat, I felt the assurance that everything was going to be just fine. I was so excited when I found out you were a girl. Even after four ultrasounds confirming you were a girl, I still was afraid to believe it. We planned for your arrival and sorted through all the logistics and concerns. Then you were born. I loved you so much from that very first moment I saw you (approximately 30 seconds after I started pushing), even in the flurry of commotion that was your birth, I felt like the world stopped when the nurse put you in my arms and you nuzzled into my chest. You didn’t even cry, you had adorable little squeaks and sighs and gazed up at me with such beautiful, wondering eyes.

And here we are, a year later. You are all over the place, taking lots of steps but not quite walking. You are loud and full of zeal. You are independent. Even as you’re learning to walk, you don’t want us to hold your hands, you want to do it all on your own. You are very much a mama’s girl, that was your first word and sometimes you refuse to let anyone else hold you. You follow me around the house like an adorable puppy. You cry the second I leave the room and squeal the moment I come back. You are a charmer of all, but you’re also shy, burying your head in my shoulder as you smile at strangers. You have the loudest, most furious cry! And it’s the same cry for serious times and injuries as it is for things like running out of cheerios. You love dogs (or, as you call them, “gogs!”). You have delightful quirks that crack us up, like chewing on door hinges. You are obsessed with your brother’s toys, especially trains and cars, and ransacking any cupboard you can get your little hands in to. You think your brother is the funniest person ever. As you grow, you’re playing more together and becoming buddies, but you’re not afraid to take a toy back from him and you hold your own with him. You love music, almost as much as you love to dance.

You are tough and independent. I’ve known that all along. You proved that even today. You got sick over the weekend, and aside from some crankier than normal moments, you kept right on going. After a trip to the doctor today, we found out you actually have double ear infections. I knew you had a mind of your own even when I was pregnant, when you hid on the ultrasound and punched and kicked away the sensors. Then when my pregnancy never seemed to end, when I was still very pregnant almost a week late with no sign of the end coming soon, and then when labor was induced and you proceeded to enter the world in the fastest birth ever. I knew it when the lactation consultant called you feisty at six days old. You continued to show that independent streak when you refused to sleep through the night at 11 months, despite our best efforts. I love that about you, especially since you are also so sweet and cuddly (on your own terms, of course).  Although I may really regret saying this, I pray that you continue to embrace that independent side, that you’re always empowered to make your own (hopefully wise) decisions and be whoever you want to be.

We have had a wild year, full of an almost unbelievable assortment of events and every emotion possible. I’m glad I didn’t know everything that was in store for us this year, and even more thankful that we’ve made it through. You have taught me so much, baby girl. You would think I would have learned it all in your brother’s first year of life, but apparently I still had a lot to learn about trust and peace and joy and letting the small things go. I still have a lot to learn, so please be patient and please be kind.

We had a party for your last weekend to celebrate your first birthday, and also, more subtly, to commemorate the fact that we all survived the last year. The theme was rainbows and sunshine, which I chose because it fits you so well. You are full of life and color, and so happy and cheerful. At several points your dad asked me why I was devoting so much time and energy thinking about your party. I think it’s because I want you to have the best of everything in life.

I am so incredibly blessed to be your mother. My heart truly overflows with love for you, my sweet girl. 

Happy birthday, Avery.

So much love,

Mama

Measures of love

Last night, in the middle of dinner, Carter asked how much we love him. We have various answer to this, including as much as the whole sky, SO SO SO much, to the moon and back, etc.

Later, I asked Carter how much he loves me. His answer? 20 pounds.

Voicing his demands

Our dog has been on high alert lately. Really, really, extremely wound up, high alert. I think it's a combination of  re-listing the house, which results in 3 showings in one day, and a brazen little rodent invading out backyard (although I doubt he'll be sticking around after two close encounters with Stella this weekend). She's barking more than normal, and apparently even the littlest ears in our home are less than pleased. The other night we let her outside right after Carter had gone down for bedtime. Over the monitor, we heard a mini drill Sargent:

"Stella! No barking!"

Which was followed by another bark, and then another annoyed command:

"Stella! Do! you! understand! me?? I said... NO! BARKING!"

11 Months of Avery

Dear Avery,

Today you are 11 months old.

I cannot believe there’s only one month left until your first birthday. Time flies when you’re sleep deprived. It’s a good thing you are so cute because we really haven’t slept nearly enough in 11 months. (especially since you’re still sleeping in our room since you wake up your brother). One night last week you woke up at 3am, and there you were, standing up in your pack and play, smacking both hands on the bed and yelling “dada! dada! dada!” with the most adorable smile.  You’ve even spent a few nights this month playing at the wee hours of the night when the rest of us would really like to be sleeping. If you could just start sleeping better, that would be so kind of you.

Your nickname this month is Avery Monster. You are all over the place and into everything. You love all of your brother’s toys. You are obsessed with his trains, his trucks, his books, pretty much anything he’s playing with. We often have to warn him, “Carter, look out, Avery Monster is coming.” Once you reach your destination, you take over and destroy, a little bit like Godzilla. I’m sure you’re just making up for 11 months of your brother stealing your toys from you. I’m actually glad you can hold your own now, even though your brother may feel differently. He doesn’t mind too much though, your brother loves you a whole lot.

A few days before Easter you were really, really sick. You came down with a sinus infection and pink eye and you were teething all at once. You were so miserable and grumpy, but you were better just in time for our festivities. Those were not fun days for anyone, lots of whining and clinging and crying. It was just so sad to watch you so miserable, we were all relieved when you started to perk back up to your normal, cheerful self.

We had a fun Easter this month with a handful of different celebrations. In true Avery Monster fashion, you were absolutely obsessed with everyone else’s Easter eggs. Since they’re not a great toy for a baby, I didn’t give you any of your own. That did not deter you from trying to get to your brother’s stash, or your cousins’, or whatever else you could give your little hands on.

You took your first step last Friday. One, tentative, wobbly, unsupported step! You are so close to walking, but you’re a very proficient crawler so you tend to prefer that instead of even trying to walk. You are talking a lot these days, although we’re not really sure what you’re saying. A few words are more clear, specifically mama, dada, and bye-bye a few times. The past few weeks you’ve been yelling “Gob! Gob! Gob!” really loud, from the back of your throat. It’s so funny to hear such a deep growling from such a tiny, sweet girl. You love to play peek-a-boo, which you have now started initiating on your own. You use a hat or a blanket to cover your face, then laugh when you pull it away and look at us expectantly for our laughter. You are already a little comedian.

You also now know what “no” means and sometimes you listen. It is so funny to watch you pause and spin back around away from the forbidden object. Last weekend you were crawling around the corner to the dog water (of course!) and when I told you no you immediately changed directions and fled back to the playroom like you were surprised you got caught. I’m sure this obedience won’t last long, but it’s more than we ever got from your brother and it’s awfully cute. I’m sure someday very soon we’ll reminiscence about the days you used to listen to us when we told you “no” and you didn’t say it back to us, but for now we’re just embracing every sweet, innocent moment.

Much love,

Mama

Bad Ideas

As Carter continues to learn about the world around him in his own unique way, he often asks us, "Is that a good idea or a bad idea?" 90% of the time he already knows, and 95% of those he knows are bad ideas. So when we hear....

"Is thiiiiis a good idea?!?!" dissolve into high pitched squealing laughter, we don't even have to know what he's talking about to know that it is definitely not a good idea.

Another recent addition is "that's a silly thing!" Sometimes that refers to a truly silly thing, like Stella running crazed laps around the house or Avery chewing on her feet. Most of the time he uses it to describe known bad behavior. Such as:

"I was just sitting in my room and then I just jumped on my bed. That's a silly thing!"

"All my toys dumped on the ground! That's a silly thing!"

"Look! All the water jumped out of the bottle and on to my shirt! That's a silly thing!"

In the Spanish language, fault is typically assigned to the object (i.e. "the keys lost themselves"). Apparently that philosophy also applies to toddler logic.

Ten months of Avery

Dear Avery,

Today you’re 10 months old.

You are a wild girl. Your dad tried to get you dressed this morning, something you were not at all interested in. The best way to describe your movements is like a bucking bronco, squirming and kicking and repeatedly lunging forward just as he was about to put your shirt over your head. Even when you’re asleep you move quite a bit. I actually like that; I can always hear you wiggling around. Especially if it’s been a particularly stressful day or there’s a lot on my mind, it gives me a lot of peace to just listening to you sleeping, the rhythm of your breathing and the sweet little noises you make. Despite all that moving around, you also have the ability to be quite covert when you are getting into trouble. You can make it from the playroom to the dog’s water bowl in about 3 seconds with hardly a sound at all. That stealth is new to me since your brother has a telltale maniacal laugh when he’s doing something he knows is bad. I guess we just need to make an agreement that you’ll never do anything bad.

In addition to always being on the move, those movements are awfully fast. You crawl with intention and speed. One night when your dad was gone, you were playing nicely in the playroom while I was making dinner with your brother. All of the sudden you took off for the kitchen, crawling over stuffed animals and toys and right under the dining room table, dodging chairs and table legs like you had been training your whole life. You never want to miss out on the action. This speed makes it even more challenging that you’re obsessed with the dog’s water bowl. Your brother was as well, but we were able to flip the food bowl over the water to deter him. You figured that out in about 2 seconds. I looked over and you were grinning so sweetly and the food bowl was in your lap, giving you free access to the water bowl. Fortunately we’re still able to catch you before your hands make it in the water. In addition to speed crawling, you’re also cruising along furniture. In the past few days, you’ve started to stand unsupported. After a few contemplative seconds, you usually just plop down and crawl where you want to go, but I know you’re thinking about taking steps.

You still love food, especially puffs. Every night we give you a handful of rice krispies at dinner, usually after you’ve finished your food and we’re trying to finish ours, and the very second they land on your tray you lunge forward with both arms. We have to spread them out to keep you from shoving entire fistfuls into your mouth at one time. You start yelling predictably as soon as they’re gone. On weekday mornings, there’s a lot of hustle and bustle around our house to get out the door. If all goes well, you and your brother get to watch a few minutes of a show while your dad and I pull things together before we head out the door. While you’re contained in your exersaucer, we give you a few puffs or other snacks to munch on. We always know the second they’re gone when we hear you start yelling. You make the funniest noises! There’s been a lot of really loud growling from you lately. I honestly don’t know where you learned it, but it’s hilarious. We are so grateful for all the noise and joy you bring to our lives.

Love,

Mama

Choosing Joy

I'm losing my patience today, or I should say losing what little was left of it. There are a whole string of complaints I could rattle off and list for pages. But I choose joy.

Yesterday was an unexpectedly beautiful day here, clear blue skies and warm sunshine. We spent the afternoon out in the backyard. We set up a ball pit tent, which Avery loved. Carter ran circles around all of us, and over us a few times. The dog oversaw the activities. It's so easy for me to overlook those blessings on days like today when life is generally filled with annoyances, but I'm holding on to that moment. And taking lot of deep breaths!

From the mouths of baby mamas

My dear, sweet, energetic, strong-willed boy has been emphasizing the energetic and strong-willed lately. I keep finding myself saying things that I never imagined coming out of my mouth. Here are some from this weekend:

"Do not lick your sister!"

"Don't throw your bread in the dog's water."
Followed a few minutes later by "No, you cannot eat your bread once it's been in Stella's water bowl."

"Take your slinky out of your cheerios."

Nine Months of Avery

Dear Avery,

Today you are nine months old.

You’ve officially been out in the world as long as long as you were inside getting ready for the world. I am not a woman who adored pregnancy, but there were some amazing and wonderful things I cherished. When I was pregnant, I loved that you went everywhere with me. Even when you were lodged on my sciatic nerve and I could barely walk, I loved when I could feel you wiggling around in there. Your kicks were always reassuring, even in the middle of the night when they kept me from sleeping. Even though it’s a scary time, I felt like I could better protect you. But let me tell you, I adore having you on this side. You add so much joy and light and love to our lives.

This has been a busy month for you. At dinner a few nights ago, your dad even made a comment that you seem like a different baby in the last month. Your personality continues to grow every day and we love getting to see more of who you are. You are also learning so much every day. You’re now pulling yourself up on everything! You’re also starting to shuffle your feet while you’re holding on to the table or the couch and take a few tentative steps while we hold on to your hands. I’m pretty sure you’re going to be walking earlier than your brother was crawling.

You are so full of joy. Your smile lights up the whole room. You’re still such a charmer, snuggling close but smiling at strangers. You’re happy 90% of the time. That other 10%... well, let's say you've got enough spunk to hold your own around here. You laugh often, but you smile all the time. We love you so much baby girl, I just can’t even imagine our life without you. 

We’ve all been sick a lot this month. Between two kids and two parents, we seem to just pass everything around. You’re such a trooper, even when you’re totally miserable. You are NOT thrilled when you can’t have your pacifier, though. A few times you’ve been so stuffed up you couldn’t use it, and even though you don’t seem to care about your pacifier much, the fact that you couldn’t have it was just not okay with you! You spent a lot of nights sleeping on me and your dad this month. It’s not the best long term strategy, but it’s also a sweet time. We know it won't be long before the days of you curled up on our chests is only a memory, so we are cherishing it while we can.  

Much love,

Mama

Bedtime Lullabies

Carter currently has a routine (with his father, not me, might I add) to listen to a few songs before bed. For the first few, he burns off some energy with his awesome dance moves, and then he settles down and chills for the last one. His current bedtime playlist is:

Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO
Numa Numa by whoever the heck that is
Magic by  BOB featuring Rivers from Weezer
In Your Arms, aka The Jelly Bean song, which has this awesome video

This is the same child who, as an infant, loved Getting Jiggy With It. I think we may have a problem, or a future b boy, on our hands.

From the mouth of Carter

Today at Souplantation ,Carter scored a little soft serve. Seth explain that he needed to take little bites, and if he ate ice cream too fast he would get brain freeze.

A few minutes later, Carter asked "Daddy, you ate too much rice and got a brain head?"

Eight Months of Avery

Dear Avery,

Today you are eight months old. Well, technically today you are eight months and one day.  That’s fitting though, because your whole life I have felt like I was prepared for what I anticipated next and then all the sudden I was caught off guard when it actually happened. As you reach more milestones, that continues to be true. I’ll probably still feel this way when you graduate from college.

This has been a very busy month. We had a lot of fun and a lot of celebrations… and a few less pleasant things. In the first seven months of your life, you never got sick. Not once. In the last month, you’ve been sick twice, two colds you probably got from your brother. I got both of them, too. We’ve spent a lot less time sleeping this month. Hopefully next month will hold more sleep and less sickness.

Now on to the fun things! We celebrated your first Christmas. You loved it, and of course got way too many presents. You took it all in and wanted to be a part of every moment. You spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day charming all of your family, especially those who don’t get to see you as much as we do. You seemed to do well with everyone as long as you couldn’t see me. The moment I walked into a room when someone else was holding you, you started fussing. It was a busy Christmas, full of family and festivities, and you kept up with all of us. In fact, you may have had more energy than we did after all of the celebrations. Christmas Night you were so amped up you didn’t fall asleep until hours after your bedtime.

You’re crawling quite efficiently now, earlier and faster than your brother. You are determined to crawl to every bookshelf and attempt to eat every book. Don’t tell Carter, but there’s now a Diego book missing a corner. If we had caught you 30 seconds later it would probably be missing the entire cover. You’ve also continued to find your voice with great exuberance! You make a few odd noises that can really only be described as growling. A few days ago you started clapping. When you first started trying it a few days ago, you looked at your hands like you couldn’t figure out who was moving them for you, almost bewildered. Then, you slowly started moving your right hand with intention, smacking it against your stationary left hand. Now, only a few days later, you’ve got all the timing and coordination almost down. It is so amazing to watch you figure out the world and your place in it.

I usually feed you first thing in the morning, and those still quiet moments with you snuggled in bed are one of the best parts of my day. I spent 10 days at home with you and your brother and I loved being home with you all day. I was sad to go back to work, but thankful for our time together. We celebrated New Year’s Eve with dinner out, where you were determined to grab everything you possibly could (and a lot we thought you couldn’t reach) and chuck it all on the floor. You didn’t make it to midnight, but you were up shortly after. As we took a moment to reflect on the year, we had so much to be thankful for. You are without a doubt the best thing that happened in 2011. I’m excited for 2012, to watch you grow and see where this year takes us. I’m just so continually thankful to be able to experience each new day with you.

Love,

Mama

Don't Tell CPS

Last night, Carter ran over to the drawer in our kitchen hutch and started frantically flinging dish towels out of the drawer and on to the floor. We quickly intervened and asked him what in the world he was doing.

He responded, with a sense of urgency: "I'm looking for my shimmy shimmy cocoa pop!" He proceeded to locate a lint roller, which we're pretty sure is the shimmy shimmy cocoa pop to which he referred.

This is totally normal two year old behavior and vocabulary, right?

Just when things were looking up...

Last night, we found out that in less than two weeks Avery won't have a daycare provider so we're frantically searching for the perfect place for her, which is an all too familiar and unsettling process. This morning, Carter woke up crying that he didn't want to go to preschool and was so determined to convince us it was a holiday. He fought us the whole morning and whined the entire way to school, at which point he refused to walk in the door and turned to jell-o the second I picked him up. We're in the initial stages of accepting an offer on our house, which is great, but also means that we may be looking for a new home in the near future. This also makes it hard to pick a new daycare, considering we'd like something close to home and we have no idea where that will be. This comes along with the busiest time of year at work, which doesn't afford me much time to ignore my job and spend 24/7 researching alternative.

I was surprising calm about all of this... well, life hitting the fan. I have officially transitioned to mama bear mode. There's a threat to my children, I need to eliminate the threat.  I believe that with great reward/resource/power comes great responsibility, and that applies here, too. As a parent, I have these incredible blessings and a resulting expansive responsibility. I want everyone to be happy and healthy and fulfilled. Doesn't every mother? Priority number one: make it happen. There is no time for wallowing.

The other balancing factor here is we are incredibly blessed. These kids? They are awesome. Yesterday, I was sorting through the kids' clothes, packing up items that were too small and I found Avery's newborn beanie in the back of her drawer. I was shocked at just how small it was. It seems like a week ago she was this tiny little peanut in this sweet hat, and I honestly cannot remember her ever being that small. It was such a good reminder to cherish what we have.

2012 Anti-Resolutions

This year, I have a lot on my plate. A LOT. A two year old, a 7 month old, a dog, a house on the market, a husband, a full time (rather demanding lately) job, and many other things that pull me in various directions every day.

We have to be on. our. game. every morning to avoid disaster. Especially now that our kids are at two different places, that means two drop offs, two sets of stuff, and two parents who have to get to work, ideally on time. On top of that, the house has to be somewhat show ready in case an agent calls for a showing that day.

There are things I want to accomplish this year. I want to be more organized. I’m a very organized person, but I think we have some opportunity to declutter. I really want to move, but that’s mostly out of our control. I’d like to lose a couple inches, and maybe a pound or two. I’m pretty much at my pre-baby weight, but three and half years of pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing have shifted things around a little. I want to be healthier, and I really want Avery to sleep better so Seth and I can sleep more. As I posted about last week, we're in limbo in so many areas of our life, and I really hope that throughout 2012, the pieces fall into place and things settle a bit.

There are a few things that are just not going to make the cut this year.

I am not going to learn anything new. Someday, I’d like to play guitar, and maybe knit, and maybe speak Italian. None of those things will happen this year.

I’m not quitting anything. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink much, and all of my other vices, which are fairly innocuous, are sticking around in 2012.

I am not going to the gym. Sure, I want to be healthier and more active, but the gym is not getting any of my time or effort. I’d like to log more miles on my double stroller, definitely eat healthier, and maybe play a little more Dance Central, but I just can’t rekindle my relationship with the elliptical right now.

I’m also going to try really, really hard not to make new commitments. I’m pretty maxed out right now, so maybe this is a good year to learn how to no. We’ll see how that goes. 

New Year, New Hope.

I love new beginnings. This is a bit counter-intuitive because I don’t particularly like change. However, approaching 2012, I feel ready for something fresh and new.

I never want to forget the blessings of 2011. We are so richly blessed, first and foremost with Avery, but also with so many other things, both material and intangible. Overall, though, 2011 was a hard year. I’m ready to leave some of that pain and anxiety behind. Yet I’m acutely aware that we are so fortunate to be able to do that. I was constantly in remembrance this Christmas of so many people who have lost loved ones, particularly children. The baby at daycare whose parents we will never know, missing their sweet baby boy. A coworker whose dear son died studying abroad. A college roommate whose baby spent his first Christmas celebrating in heaven. My so-called trials and tribulations pale in comparison.

We don’t know what this year will hold for us. We pray that God’s hand will be upon us this year and He will walk with us through the tough times we know will come and we approach 2012 with cautious hope.