In Limbo

Have I mentioned our house is on the market? I don’t know who I think I’m talking to, I’m pretty sure no one reads this blog. My own husband missed my entire 30 days of gratitude, and who knows what else. I keep telling myself someday my kids might want to read it.

Anyway, over a year ago, we made a difficult decision to begin the process to sell our house. Although we have realtors in our family who we love and trust, and actually helped us through the process when we bought the house, the legal process of a short sale is very distinct and complicated and using family would likely create disclosure issues and delays, potentially jeopardizing a sale, and probably not a wise decision. We chose an agent recommended to us. We first talked with him November 17, 2011, and he assured us we wouldn’t be “one of those short sale horror stories.” He gave us an example of a house that had just closed after almost 2 years. I was a few months pregnant with Avery and he hoped and expected that we’d be in a new home by the time she was born. We figured we would probably be moving the week she was due, knowing our life.

So we gathered mountains of paperwork, wrote letters, drafted forms, purged clutter, sent more clutter up to the attic, and made the decision to maintain a fairly aggressive showing schedule. We listed the house the first week of January 2011. We set up to allow for showings during the week day with no notice, by appointment on the weekend. This meant leaving the house show ready every morning, a massive challenge when battling an uncooperative toddler who leaves a trail of destruction behind him.

We had a few showings. Every day we came home, after an invariably chaotic morning, hoping there would be a card left on the table. January turned into February, which turned into March, and then April. I was growing increasingly exhausted as my pregnancy progressed and the pace of no notice showings became too much, so we changed the listing to appointment only. I think we got one call. In the meantime, my parents graciously put in a backyard for us. Our mounds of dirt and weeds are now a great patch of grass where Carter loves to play.

In May, Avery was born. A few weeks after she was born, an agent and buyer knocked on the door and asked if they could look around. I reluctantly agreed, thanks to the encouragement of my husband, and we shuttled them past the sleeping newborn in the master bedroom.

I went back to work in August and once we got our new routine down, we ramped back up on the housing front. The walls were closing in on us, and I wasn’t sure how much longer we could keep everything contained in our two bedroom house without a garage. I felt like the baby gear and toys threatened to overtake us at any moment.

We held an Open House in October. Still nothing. Not an offer, not a mention of an offer, barely a showing. We heard of a new opportunity through an investment company and a different agent that we felt we had to pursue. So we did, and after much prayer and consideration, we switched agents.

We gathered more paperwork, rewrote the letters, updated the forms. We felt a little exhausted to essentially start over, but cautiously optimistic and hopeful that it was the right decision. We met with the new agent, walked through the house with her, pointed out quirks and issues, and relisted it December 1, 2011, a Thursday. We took an emotional deep breath and braced for the somewhat grueling mornings, now trying to leave the house show ready with an even less cooperative toddler and an infant to get out the door.

That weekend we had our first showing! We cleaned like mad, shoved a few things out of sight (also, there are very few places “out of sight” considering buyers generally want to look in closets and cupboards), and crossed our fingers. Later that night, I got a call from the agent saying the buyer liked it and wanted to come back the next day and then make an offer. As it turns out, she didn’t come back and didn’t make an offer. The next week, we had showings on Thursday, two on Friday, and we got an offer over the weekend.

The week after, we got the official offer paperwork. We went back and forth and on the last round of counters, it stalled. We've had many other showings, and a few more potential buyers. Someone is coming for a second showing today, and there's one particular somewhat crazy lady who has come 3 times and continues to drive by. I saw her drive by four times over the weekend, and she also brought us Christmas treats.

Selling a house is a lot like dating, and this feels like speed dating. I really hope someone likes us before the bell dings and they move on to the next option. If we get an offer (and finalize it), we begin the next steps, which may take 60 days or 6 months, maybe more, and probably a 30 day escrow after that. Even if everything goes perfectly, it’s going to be a long time. Yet, we feel like we have to be prepared for a quick turnaround, in case we are caught by surprise. This trickles into so many areas of our lives. That’s the part that makes me crazy anxious. Where will we live? Will we have to switch Avery’s daycare? We’ve been planning to move Carter to preschool in January. Will we have to move him to a new preschool? Is it still a good idea to switch him, or should we wait? How will he handle the change, considering he is the most inflexible child ever? Those are the questions we’ll have to answer slowly as we trudge through this process.

Then there are other questions… Some of those are the ones we’ll never be able to answer, but we trust there’s a reason for everything and a lesson to be learned. Eventually, we’ll be on the other side of this. At least we hope so. 

Seven Months of Avery

Dear Avery,

Today you are seven months old!

You continue to be a joy and delight. You are sugar and spice and everything nice. You are the sweetest, cutest baby girl I’ve ever encountered. You are a little charmer and win everyone over with your adorable smile. I took you to Costco last week and many people commented on how adorable you were, perched up in the top of the shopping cart taking it all in, smiling at everyone. One woman told me you looked like the Queen of Costco. We went out to lunch a few weeks ago and a couple at a nearby table actually stopped me to tell me how well behaved and delightful you were. You’re also a little spice, and you’ve got a little feisty streak. I may regret these words later, but I like that. I’m glad you hold your own. Overall, though, you really are all things nice.

We celebrated your first Thanksgiving this year, and you loved it almost as much as everyone loved you. Lots of our family was able to meet you for the first time. You looked absolutely adorable in your sweet dress and tiny dress shoes. You ate sweet potatoes while we feasted on the same, and made it very clear you did not want to be left out of the festivities.

You love to sleep on your tummy. The second I put you down, even if you’re completely asleep, you roll from your back to your stomach. You are so cute sleeping, with your tush up in the air and your sweet hands tucked under your chin. Also, as a side note on the topic of sleep, we would like more of it. When will you release us from the 3am wakings?!

I took you in for your six month checkup last week. You and your brother were fairly well behaved for the entire TWO HOURS we were stuck there. You’re just a happy girl and when you got fussy, I was able to buy some time with a new toy and you were back to your content self. At the end though, when you got your shots, you were furious! I have never heard you scream like that. I felt just awful, it was so sad. I think you were more angry and surprised than anything else. It was a good opportunity to spend some extra time snuggling with you.

You are finding your voice more and more lately. We love hearing your little noises and trying to figure out what you’re telling us. You are so close to crawling! You pop up to your knees and rock back and forth, but you haven’t quite figured out how to move forward. Occasionally you scoot back and you definitely have figured out how to roll where you want to go. In fact, you’re faster than we can keep up with. Once we set up the Christmas tree, you entire goal in life was to roll under it and grab the ornaments. How such a tiny baby can out-roll two adults is still a mystery to me!

Every day with you is a delight. Well, most days. You are such a perfect addition to our family. You probably wonder what in the world is going on with all this chaos, but most of the time you just laugh at it and find it generally amusing. I hope you hold on to that quality for the rest of your life and always find it within yourself to laugh when things gets a little (or a lot) crazy.

Much love,

Mama

Not okay!

Yesterday's weather was blustery and chilly, with a few raindrops in the evening. It was perfect weather to curl up with a blanket. Perfect weather for Christmas.

However, Christmas is forecast to be 71 degrees and sunny, warmer than average. This is not okay with me. Avery has an adorable sweater dress with matching tights and hat. Carter has a handsome sweater vest. Both of them will be sweating and wondering why their mother is insane. Here's hoping the San Diego weatherman is wrong (which is usually the case).

I have a problem.

I'm almost done Christmas shopping. I have a few little things to pick up, but I've been done with the bulk of it for weeks.

I set a very reasonable (read: low) budget for my kids and picked a few things I knew they would like. Our kids are so incredible blessed (read: spoiled) by four grandparents, four great grandparents, and a slew of aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, etc. that they really get more than a kid could need. I know they're young, but we're starting early and trying not to overload them with gifts and set the bar at overindulgence.

But then there was a really great sale on a toy on Amazon for Avery. And then I saw some Cars on ebay. And then there was this other awesome thing I thought of, a $5 addition here, another $3 there, a $10 extra splurge...

My love language is gifts, and it is safe to say I really love my kids.

Toddler Wisdom

We're trying to shape our wild little boy into a wild little boy with good manners. I know he'll never be spectacularly well behaved or cooperative. He's always going to be strong willed, and I want him to have the freedom and forum to voice those opinions, but hopefully after waiting for the right moment instead of bursting into the conversation. We're trying to teach him to be polite, thoughtful, and say please and thank you. However, he's picked up a few less than ideal words, as kids do from time to time, especially boys. He's now learned that we don't say stupid, shut up, or butt. This list will grow immensely, I'm sure. He is a little vocabulary police man. Anytime he hears anyone say one of those words, he immediately corrects them and continues to tell everyone else about it. Last week, Grandma slipped a "stupid" in front of the word police. For days we heard, "Grandma said stupid. That's not a nice word."

When Seth was changing his diaper over the weekend, a little diaper rash spurred this conversation:

Seth: (something like...) Hold on buddy, let me put this cream on your booty.
Carter: That's my butt.
Seth: No, Carter, that's your booty.
Carter: (after a thoughtful pause) Then where's my butt?

No one can say he's not listening and thinking about what we tell him.

Treasures

I love this time with Carter. He is at such a fun age (pretty sure I've said that about every age). I love watching how he considers things and contemplates the world, how he conjugates verbs in the most logical but not always correct way ("who buyed this dinner?"), how he reacts to unexpected events. I am constantly amazed and amused by what comes out of that kid's mouth. Here are a few treasures recently:

• His favorite color is orange. We thought this was a fluke, since orange seemed like such a random color, but he's told us that repeatedly. 

• Nothing gets past those little ears. Grandma accidentally slipped a certain word into conversation and we've been hearing all about how Gramma said stupid and that it's a mean word for the last two days.

• After Seth changed a stinky diaper last weekend, Carter commented, "the trash man needs to come pick up my poop." He's very matter of fact.

• When he was boycotting his nap and running around his room, Seth went in to settle him down and get him to sleep. When Seth asked what he was doing, Carter's response was "I'm just picking out clothes for God."

• He never names anything. His most creative moment was mixing it up and naming his smaller monkey "little monkey" and the larger one "big monkey." However, he recently named his two rubber ducks Joseph and Hallelujah. Apparently he was getting into the Christmas story early.

Dinnertime.

I would like our family dinners to look like this:

They don't.

Especially now that Avery is eating solids, she is adding her very vocal thoughts to the mix. And Carter has been particularly defiant the last week. Seth and I spend dinner time attempting to get a few bites of food in while passing Avery's spoon (and sometimes Avery) back and forth and hoping she doesn't scream too loudly in her impatience, trying to contain, redirect, and discipline Carter when he acts up, and make sure the dog doesn't steal anything off the table, which she very rarely does but opportunity abounds. 

Last night, Carter had no pants on (Seth's decision, not mine) because he had just leaked through his diaper and was getting a bath immediately after dinner anyway. In the midst of dinner, he smeared sour cream in his hair and threw his fork at the wall, resulting in a chair time out where he proceeded to scream at the tops of his lungs, therefore resulting in a much longer chair time out. The flying fork hit the wall and bounced into the dog's water bowl, so Stella pounced faster than a cheetah on the hunt, thinking it was food and not just a metal utensil gone awry. Avery was yelling for more squash! More Squash! MORE SQUASH! At one point, I had lifted the spoon into the air and paused while I turned my head toward Carter. All of the sudden, as I was looking away, I feel two tiny hands grab my arm and shove the spoon into her mouth. At least she can hold her own around here. 

Someday, Norman Rockwell. Someday.

Month of Gratitude: Day 30

I'm thankful we've survived this year and that we have a new one on the horizon. I started this year with a theme word, Trust. I had an inkling of how meaningful that word would prove to be, but the reality turned out to be much more (and harder) than I imagined. As I stumbled through this year, freefalling through challenges that made no sense and broke my heart, I heard that word echoed in the deep recesses of my soul. In the last few weeks, new hope has sprouted in several areas of our life. There is a glimmer of excitement for the future, or at least relief from this season. And yet I know that if 2012 continues to present trials, we are still so blessed. All I have to do is look around and my heart is so very grateful.

For the record, I'm considering different words for 2012, like Easy, Blessed, Fun. Nothing like Patience, Growth, or Strength.

Month of Gratitude: Day 29

I'm thankful for our families. We live close to almost everyone, with a few exceptions (who we miss dearly). We're fortunate to have these people in our lives, and I am so grateful that our children are close to their grandparents and even great grandparents and many uncles and aunts and a handful of cousins. This time of year becomes a bit hectic trying to figure out the logistics, but it's such a blessing.

Month of Gratitude: Day 28

I'm thankful for the season of gift giving. I love Christmas. I love celebrating Jesus and spending time with family. I also love giving gifts (it probably helps that my love language is gifts, something my husband neither shares nor really understands). I love homemade gifts, but I also like to shop. And I love a good deal, which is why I stalk Amazon's lightening deals and scour ads, because let's be honest, I'm on a tight budget here and as much as I'd like to spend hundreds of dollars on hundreds of people, that's not going to happen. I know that in some circles this is an unpopular opinion, that conspiracies swirl about the evil plans of Hallmark and WalMart manipulating us to overspend and commercializing gluttony. I get that. But, on the other hand, I think it's a really nice opportunity to give a gift that tells someone you care about them and you think they would enjoy or appreciate this thing you're giving them.

Month of Gratitude: Day 27

In light of a horrendous loss last night by our beloved Bruins (and more heartbreak from the Chargers today) I thought it would be nice to remember all the reasons I do love that place. Also, Denver was 27 degrees yesterday while we were basking in 80 degrees.

I am thankful for UCLA!

Who wouldn't love this gorgeous campus?

As I look back at my senior year of high school and college years, it is so clear to me that God had a plan for my life that included UCLA. I didn't want to go there. I didn't even really intentionally apply there. I was applying to Berkeley and since the UC application is the same for all schools, I checked the UCLA box on a whim. I wanted to go to Boston University, and my parents were somewhat against that due to the outrageous cost. I was heartbroken at the time, but now I'm glad.

I made lifelong friends at UCLA, I learned how to live alongside of people very different than me, I loved my classes (I majored in Sociology) and within a few weeks of arriving on campus, I met the man I would eventually marry. I grew so much as a person.

I am just so thankful for the years I had there, for all of the experiences, good and bad. And in 16-18 years, I'm hoping my children will be Bruins, too!

Month of Gratitude: Day 26

I'm thankful for leftovers. My baby weight, which is still clinging on for dear life six months later, is happy, too, because those leftovers mean it will be sticking around a little longer. But dang, this pie is good.

Month of Gratitude.

I've been once again slacking on the blogging, but thinking about my blessings.

November 22:
So thankful not to be one of the 42.5 million Americans travelling for Thanksgiving. We only traveled about 15 miles, and the production and schlepping  accompanying that trek was more than enough!

November 23:
I'm thankful for a holiday with healthy children. Other thank Avery working on teeth  number 3, 4, and 5, both kids were pretty good. Carter always seemed to get sick for a holiday and would be hacking or dripping snot for one of the few times our extended family got to see him. He had a cold his first Thanksgiving and several holidays after and pneumonia last Christmas. I held my breathe as the days ticked by watching closely for the first sign of a sniffle, but they made it through!

November 24:
On a day devoted to giving thanks, we had so much to be thankful for. We spent a great day with family and ate too much delicious food and even more desserts.

November 25:
I'm thankful my children and I survived Black Friday. Carter, Avery, and I went to Target, Toys R Us, Cost Plus World Market, and various stores throughout the mall, including an absolutely insane Bath and Body Works. Whew.

Six Months of Avery

Dear Avery,

Today, you are six months old. Again, I can’t believe it. As I was thinking about this letter, I could not believe I would be writing your six month letter, I kept thinking my math had to be wrong. Somehow we’ve made it through half of your first year of life.

This month you have continued to show us more of your personality. You are LOUD. Most of the time you are happy and content, but over the past few weeks you have been vocalizing your displeasure very emphatically. You do not like to be ignored (or think you’re being ignored), you do not like to sit still, and you do not like it when your food is gone.

You have much more likes than dislikes, though. You adore your brother. He gets more laughs out of you than anyone else. You like to just watch him and listen to him. You’re probably laughing wondering how one person could have so much energy, and we wonder that, too. You are rolling so fast we have had a few instances where we actually could not keep up with you. We’re slowly succumbing to the reality that we just can’t leave you anywhere ever. Yesterday we moved the coffee table, rearranged the pillows to cover up a few edges, and let you roll around with a few toys. You have never been happier! You rolled from one end of the room to the other, throwing blocks and then recapturing them, for a solid hour. You also love food. I suspected that you were ready for food for a few weeks before we really started solids, and I could not have been more correct. You get so excited when you see the spoon. You love cereal, you like sweet potatoes and pears, and you are warming up to apples. Our biggest battle feeding you is to maintain control of the spoon and trying not to let you grab it and wrestle it in your mouth as soon as possible.

You have two teeth now. They broke through last week, and even though they’re not quite visible yet, we feel them when you chomp on our fingers. You’re sleeping better, minus a little rough patch last week. We spent two nights in a row up with you at hours when the whole world should be sleeping. It was like having a newborn all over again. I’m hoping it was those teeth and not a new trend. A few nights you’ve slept from your late night bottle to about 6am, which is glorious. We’re hoping for more of that.

I made one big change to our routine this month. Previously, I had been feeding you and then getting you ready for bed, but that was just too much for you. I think you were getting too tired and then you wouldn’t sleep, and since we were putting you down in your room with your brother, his wild antics were waking you up even more. We started getting you ready for bed and then feeding you and it’s made a huge difference. Now you fall asleep in my arms while I feed you. Those moments at the end of the day are some of my favorite. I love holding your sweet, cuddly, pajama-clad body while you drift off. It’s really the only time you’ll snuggle now, so I cherish those moments and draw it out a few extra minutes before I put you down. I will remember those moments forever.

So much love,

Mama

Month of Gratitude: Day 21

Today my precious baby girl is six months old. I am so very thankful for the blessing she is to our life and how perfectly she completes our family, just the right combination of happy and sweet with enough spunk to hold her own around here. I am eternally grateful that God had different plans than ours for our family!

Month of Gratitude: Day 20

I'm thankful for garage sale finds! Growing up with my mother, garage sales were truly a way of life. No one does garage sales like she does. It seems, for better or worse, I've inherited a piece of that gene. One of my favorite things to do is go garage sale-ing with Carter. This has really only started since Avery was born. Usually I'll wake up with him, feed Avery, and when she goes down for a nap we go out on our adventure. Many Saturday mornings he wakes up saying "Mama, I wanna go on a abenture!" Sometimes we stop for breakfast, it is such precious time with him. Hearing his little voice sing "garage sales, where aaaare yoooou?" melts my heart!

This Saturday was quite successful. For less than $50 I brought home:

This Baby Eintstein play mat in brand new condition:
This tool box, complete with a not pictured work bench:

This book (and another one based on The Wild), for a quarter each!



A stroller similar to this one (it needs a little love, but for $15 I couldn't pass it up!):

Plus a few platters, more books, and clothes. Most importantly, I had a fun morning with my son.  I wish I had a picture of his face when he saw that tool bench. His eyes lit up! All morning he kept talking about the really nice lady with the tools and going on and on about how that was really so lucky. I cherish these little Carter and Mama dates.

Month of Gratitude. Many days.

I'm still slacking. This week was all kinds of busy. So here's a compilation of gratitude:


Day 16:
I'm thankful for other people being willing to be vulnerable and put their lives out in the open, even the hard parts. I think blogging has done a lot for us in that realm and hopefully helped us all realize that no one is perfect and we've all got our own junk in the proverbial trunk.

Day 17:
I'm thankful for easy dinner options. Sort of lame, I know. But I was able to microwave Gorgonzola chicken with baked sweet potatoes and a vegetable medley tonight for dinner thanks to Trader Joes and my microwave. If I had to spend 4 hours a day cooking, I don't know, stew over sticks and hot rocks, I wouldn't last very long.

Day 18:
I am so thankful for Fridays at home. I went back a little earlier than I would have like after I had Avery. It made sense for everyone, and now I get to take off Fridays for a while and use my remaining maternity benefits. It is so fantastic to have that day with just her and I, something really special, especially with a second baby. This week was not so pleasant, little miss is still working on her bottom front teeth and protesting naps, but I still enjoyed the day with her.

Day 19:
This is so strange to post, and I'm sure someday my son will hate me for this, but I'm thankful Carter actually pooped in the potty tonight. This is a big step for him, and it gives me hope that someday I won't be changing 25 diapers a day. Ah, the life of a mother with young children.

Month of Gratitude: Day 15

I didn't get around to posting last night. It was one of those days at work that I was glad when it was over, and then the night wasn't so fantastic either. In conclusion, I'm thankful for a new day. That's the beauty and curse of life, tomorrow is always a new day.

Month of Gratitude: Day 14

I'm thankful for computers and technology. It occurred to me as I was running reports and calculations yesterday that my life would be much more complicated without it and my job would probably not be very enjoyable.

Month of Gratitude: Day 13

I'm thankful for a church to call home. We've been going to theMovement for over 6 years now. If you're looking for a church in North County, we'll take you with us to check it out.

A little history (hang in there, this will hopefully come full circle)... When we first got married, I was so unsure about a few things in our life. I graduated from UCLA early, moved back to San Diego, got married, and started a new job within about two months, and there was a major knee surgery for Seth in that mix too. The hard part was I loved UCLA (more on that later) and I loved my friends there, all of whom were still there in their senior year. I loved my husband and being married, but I wondered if we should have joined Campus Crusade staff or spent a year abroad, which many of our friends were doing. I longed for more, or maybe just different. I had spent so much of college really involved in ministry and the lives of others, the pace of an 8-5 job and "normal" life was quite an adjustment.

In the midst of this wondering and longing, we searched for a church. We visited a few, honestly probably looking for what we had left. We walked into theMovement one Sunday and stayed. We started inviting others. We felt particularly called to invite Seth's cousin (hi Heather!) and her then boyfriend. They started coming and inviting more people, and then her sister came and then another cousin and another sister and eventually it was pretty much a family reunion every Sunday. It's changed a little since then (we now typically go to 8am service where we see about 7 other people who also rose with the sun) and the church has grown a lot since then, in numbers and spiritually. This really had very little to do with us, I'm sure God would have brought all of those people back to church without Seth and I even being in the same city, but we were blessed to be a part of it. If we had been at UCLA or on staff with Crusade in another city or doing ministry in South America, we wouldn't have been here, we wouldn't have started going to theMovement and we wouldn't have invited anyone along with us. It's a reminder to us that 1. sometimes things that seem less than amazing and boringly normal have a lot more going on behind the scenes, even if it's not entirely what you wanted or envisioned and 2.  family is a very important ministry.

Month of Gratitude: Day 12

I'm thankful for hot showers. It's one of the only moments I get to myself, and it's a luxury so many people don't have.

Month of Gratitude: Day 11

I'm thankful for a much needed date night. Tonight I hung up the mama hat and put the wife hat on, one that's become a bit dusty at times out of necessity. We had dinner at BJs, a place that will probably always remind us of college and the beginning of our relationship. We walked around the mall, stopped at Kohls, and filled up my gas tank. These are not terribly exciting things, some of them are pure necessities, but they were practically luxuries sans infant and toddler. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I actually enjoy shopping with them, but tonight I felt so independent! We talked over dinner instead of passing kids and utensils and toys back and forth and lingered leisurely. It's only the second time we've been out since Avery was born, and it's not always the easiest choice, nor the simplest proceeding to get out of the house. But it was worth it.

Month of Gratitude: Day 10

Today, I'm just thankful this week is almost over. It's been a rough one.

Month of Gratitude: Day 9

I am (begrudgingly) thankful for a new phone.

I do not like new things. I really do not like when I don't know how to do something and I dislike the process of figuring it all out. I get easily frustrated during this process, as my husband can attest. However, my old phone was basically useless when he scroll button died and I was ever more frustrated during the week it took IT to order the new one.

I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually and today I'm very thankful to actually see the texts I'm getting and be able to navigate the menus and all of those necessary things.

Month of Gratitude: Day 8

This sounds so spoiled and pretentious I almost hesitate to admit it, but I'm thankful for Starbucks, especially today.

I don't know if it's the time change or something else, but neither of my children have wanted to sleep the last few nights (this is another one of 10 million times I'm so thankful to have a husband who is an awesome co-parent who also gets up in the middle of the night, two thankfuls in one!). The past few nights, Avery has been up at least five times a night and Carter is waking up way too early and up a few times the last few nights too.

So this morning, I stopped at Starbucks. I try not to drink a lot of caffeine, and many days I don't have any. Some days I just need a little help. Plus it helps me psychologically slow down and settle into the day, even if the night didn't go as well as I would have liked.

Month of Gratitude: Day 7

I almost hesitate to say this, but I am thankful for Pinterest.

True, it can be a huge black hole of all time and energy. On the other hand, it inspires me. It makes me remember that I am a somewhat creative-ish person and I could make beautiful things if I gave myself the time. It lets me dream a little. I probably won't ever have this amazing shower or this one, but I like to know they exist somewhere. It has helped me bring new and tasty treats to the table. It has encouraged me to put some love into a home I'd already somewhat checked out of emotionally. It gives me great ideas for crafts with my artsy munchkin. I've been amused by smart products and handy ideas. Words there have spoken to my soul and made me laugh. Sometimes both. So thanks pinterest and whoever created you. You came into my life at a really good time.

Month of Gratitude: Day 6

I am so very thankful for humor. I don't think I could survive this season without humor. My husband is funny (in his own way, but it keeps me laughing), my son is the most hilarious child I've ever encountered.

Sometimes, if I didn't laugh, I think I would cry. So I'm thankful I have another option. A real life example- Friday, our For Sale sign fell over.  Even our sign is giving up on actually getting this house sold. That sign has been out there so long it was finally overcome by the elements. It was completely shattered, shards strewn across the sidewalk, post entirely up rooted from the yard. I just started laughing.

Month of Gratitude: Day 5

I had a few technical difficulties this weekend and a few more schedule conflicts, i.e. I had no time to sit down and write. But I thought about it each day, and I'll be catching catch up my posts today.

Day 5
I'm thankful for a double stroller! I agonized for months over what to buy. Actually, it was over a year. I started researching as soon as I found out I was pregnant with Avery and just couldn't take the plunge and buy it. I looked at $900 models, which is ridiculous. Seth accurately pointed out that we could probably spend less than that to pay someone to carry our children for us on the limited occasions we actually need a double stroller. I finally bought one that was a Target daily deal and one on sale at Babies R Us and we're debating between the two.

I took both kids to the mall Saturday morning, which would have been nearly impossible without a double stroller. I took the tandem stroller. I originally thought I wanted a side by side one, but after almost knocking down everything in every store, I've decided the width of a side by side is totally impractical for the mall. Then again, so are two young children... Nonetheless, it was a fun outing and I was really glad to be able to get out and have a "fun adventure" (in Carter's words) with my kids, and a fun lunch with my boy while Avery slept. He's a good date! Except that he steals my food.

Month of Gratitude: Day 4

Today I'm thankful for the weather. It's gloomy and rainy and blustery outside, a perfect fall day. After spending a day in the snow last week in Denver, I remember all the reason I like living somewhere I don't deal with snow too much. On the other hand, November 1 was about 90 degrees here and I don't like that. I just want the seasons to feel like they should, even if that's San Diego's version of a somewhat mild season.

I think a gloomy weekend snuggling on the couch watching movies would be just perfect. We'll see what my busy two year old thinks of that!

Month of Gratitude: Day 3

My job.

There are many, many days I wish I was home with my kids, but I don't want to lose sight of the blessing this job is to me and my family. It challenges me, helps me grow, keeps me interested, and is a really great company. More tangibly, it helps us keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.

Month of Gratitude: Day 2

My husband. He's just enough crazy to keep me laughing and solid enough to keep me grounded and sane. Plus he's a fantastic dad. And a million other things.

A month of gratitude.

It's no secret that 2011 has been a rough year around here. I am more than ready for a fresh start of 2012. I was talking with a friend recently about this, and she said that she feels the same way, but she also wants to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas. That resonated with me, because I never want to find myself wishing life away. Plus, I'm slightly obsessed with Christmas and sometimes I glaze over Thanksgiving in my excitement. I thought this would be a good year to slow down and remember the blessings and reflect during this time. So, my goal (and it's a lofty one for me!) is to count a blessing each day.

I'll start with an easy one. My sweet babies, such incredible gifts.

They are reason #1 to slow down and enjoy the moment. They have taught me, more than anything else, that time stops for no one and soon enough we'll be on to the next season. They grow entirely too fast to be wishing time away.

Good read

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” 
― Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

I'm reading a new book, Bittersweet by shauna Niequist. It is amazing. I've never had a book speak so clearly to where I am in life right this very moment. This has been a hard year, and this is a perfect book for right now. This has been a hard year for a lot of people I know. In fact, I can think of 10 people off the top of my head who I want to buy this book for. So, maybe wait and see if I buy you one :)

It's short essays of 4ish pages each, so it's perfect for the end of a busy day. I have laughed out loud (on an airplane! sort of embarrassing...), almost cried, and read numerous parts to my husband. I have been deeply moved by this book. It also makes me hungry, because seriously... look at this cover!

Five months of Avery

It occurred to me I haven't been posting these, so here's the latest!


Dear Avery,

Today you’re five months old. I’m pretty sure I’ll say this for your entire life, but I can’t believe it. I still think of you as my little tiny baby, and the fact that you still wake up several times every night helps me stay in the newborn frame of mind. I spent a few hours today organizing closets. I went through through all of your clothes, packing away the many items that are now too small, making room for the new outfits in bigger sizes that you couldn’t possible fit into, except that you do. In fact, you’ve already outgrown some of them.

You’re at a place where it’s hard to ignore you are indeed getting older and growing every day, but you still need us on such a deep level. You can’t yet sit up on your own. For now, you still rely on me for all of your nourishment, but that’s not going to last too much longer. You watch us eat with a new fascination and interest. A few nights ago, you watched your dad with such intent, staring at his fork as it made its way to his mouth. When he did finally eat the bite, you cried. You were truly so upset by this process, the bitter injustice that this precious morsel was not for you! This cycle repeated itself throughout the meal. So, I think it’s safe to say we’ll be starting you on solids soon.

You are full of joy. You smile all the time. It took you a little while to get used to daycare, but now you’re doling out the smiles to everyone. You are reliably joyful once someone has won you over. When you do cry, we’ve found a secret weapon: Bob the Builder. If you start to fuss, every scream, you will immediately light up when I start singing the Bob the Builder song. Turns out, yes, we can fix it! Fortunately your brother loves to sing that as much as you like to hear it, so we have used that to our advantage to make both of you happy a few times.

You love your feet. Sometimes you lunge at that as if you’re stalking prey. If your sitting in your carseat or hanging out in your swing, sometimes you will sit for minutes at a time with both legs sticking up in the air. I think it’s just so you can see them better while you work out a plot to get them in your mouth. You are also rolling all over the place now. I’m still not sure where you think you’re going but it seems to be an important missing. Hardly a night goes by when we don’t find you curled up against the very edge of your crib, sometimes with a limb stuck through the bars. Last week you managed to get both your arm and your leg tucked down next to the mattress. I fear for the next few months as you begin crawling and eventually walking! You do not like to sit still! I have no idea where you get that from…

This year has been a tough one, and the last month has brought a lot of heartache and turmoil to our lives. But you, my sweet girl, are the brightest spot of light this year. If everything else crumbles this year, we still cherish you as the beacon. This year has taught us that every moment is precious. YOU are precious. I thank God that he brought you in to our lives, especially this year.

With so much love,
Mama

Workin’ Mama

I’m writing this from Denver, where I just returned to my hotel room after about 12 hours of presentations, discussions and a dinner meeting.

Back at home, my babies are sleeping. I left yesterday after they went off to school and I’m hoping to be home tomorrow with a minute or two to snuggle them before bedtime. Assuming, of course, that tomorrow’s projected blizzard lets up enough for me to get out tomorrow.
I know this is necessary, it’s important for my job for me to be here. There’s no one else who could be here in my place. My husband and I both work hard to put food on the table, a roof over our childrens’ heads, blah blah blah. I also know my husband is a more than capable father and will do just fine without me.

That doesn’t really make me feel any better. When my plane took off yesterday, I just couldn’t shake that feeling that it was worng, that this piece of steel shouldn’t be carrying me away from the city where my children were, to a place several states away. I’m still sitting in a hotel room by myself when I wish I was tucking them into bed. It’s hard enough to deal with the implications of being a working mother when I do get to see them and spend some precious time with them each day, it’s brutal when I don’t even have that. I'm still the primary (and only) food source of a small baby, so there's a whole slew of complications that come with that (although I can now I say I've pumped in flight on an airplane).

We’re all going to be just fine. Everything will be okay. And I’ll keep reminding myself of that until it is.

New territory

Carter is increasingly interested in art. He loves to color. His master pieces are mostly composed of straight lines (I drew a snake! I drew a stick!). As a special treat when he had the flu last week, I let him draw in his bath with bathtub crayons. He looked up at me, eyes gleaming, clearly very proud of himself, and exclaimed:

"Mama, I drew a rocket ship penis!"

Ah, raising a boy.

In lighter news...

I have an extreme phobia of eye drops.

I thought this was pretty normal. Apparently, it is not. This does not, however, change my phobia. I guess I'll add that to my list of irrational fears.

Perspective.

Something happened this week, something awful and terrible and tragic. And it rocked me to my core.

A baby died at our daycare.

The details are slightly more complicated than that. The baby had pre-existing medical conditions and there’s nothing the daycare should have done differently. It probably would have happened at home. He stopped breathing during his nap at daycare, was rushed to the hospital and paramedics were able to restart his breathing in the ambulance. In the end though, he didn’t make it. I got a call on my office phone from my husband. My panicked first words were “What’s wrong?” His first words were “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to call you.” He continued to tell me that our kids were okay, but told me what had happened, that the ambulance was on the way, and that he was on the way to pick up our kids. I struggled to pull myself together, to get in my car and drive a sensible speed, the whole way praying and praying for this little one and wishing I worked closer to home.

It was his very first day of daycare, his mother’s first day back at work, his very first nap. This sweet baby boy was dropped off with my children two days ago. He and my daughter are weeks apart. He had come up in conversation several times, we talked about how fun it would be for Avery to have this little friend, how Carter would get to know him. Now he’s gone. As a mother, and as a working mother, I cannot even imagine the pain and suffering that family is going through now. It seems fitting that the weather has been gloomy and raining the last few days here.

What can you do? How can you keep your children safe and ensure that nothing bad ever happens to them?

Sometimes, nothing. The crushing weight of that helplessness is terrifying, infuriating, and exasperating. As a parent, as a human being, you want to do everything. I want to go overboard, cause people to label me as the crazy over-protective mother, purchase little bubbles for each of my children, and never ever leave them again.

I can’t stop paying the mortgage and start dumpster diving for food. I have to go to work. I have to entrust them to “the village” we have carefully and thoughtfully assembled. Even if I didn’t, there are no guarantees. At the end of the day, I do what I can. I take reasonable precautions and then maybe just a little more. I fight the guilt. I fight the urge to throw all caution and reason to the wind and declare that I’m never leaving my babies ever again. I fight the crushing fear. I don’t let myself be (permanently) crippled by anxiety. A few times, I’ve had to remind myself to keep breathing. Sometimes, especially this week, I have to hold back the tears and keeping it together in front of Carter or in a meeting. I ask God to watch over them and keep them safe. I snuggle each one of my little blessings and thank the Lord for these precious gifts, and praise him that they are healthy, even if only for this moment.

My story, then and now.

On September 11, 2001, I had just started my senior year of high school. I had a free first period, which meant I got to sleep in later. On that morning, my mom came in and woke me up and told me that planes had flown into the World Trade Center. I immediately got up and came down stairs. As I was walking down the stairs, I saw the images flooding the news. The South Tower had just collapsed and the North Tower stood ablaze. The pentagon had been attacked. I remember just sitting there, stunned. At some point I had to go to school, but I don’t really remember any of that process. I must have gotten ready and drove in, somehow I have no recollection of it. That day all we did in all of my classes was watch the news. The next day, we were still watching the news. It took a few days to slowly return to normal classroom instruction. I stayed glued to the coverage for days, unable to break my focus from it. I was so deeply impacted as an American and yet I knew I was fortunate to be removed from the immediate tragedy.

As deeply impacted as I was then, I am affected in a different way now as a mother and as a wife. I now know more personally what the anguish of not knowing if your husband made it through, wondering if he would come through the door that night. I am keenly aware of the innocence of my children. Of course Avery is perfectly unaffected by the dark side of this world as yet, and Carter has only experienced it in brief and fleeting emotions. I was listening to the radio and a 9/11 tribute came on while Carter and I were driving this weekend. As I fought tears, Carter chirped in the back seat “The lady’s signing? I hear a guitar!” That moment strengthened my desire to scoop him up in my arms and protect that innocence forever, somehow never let my children know that there is evil in the world or experience the heartache of a fallen world. And yet, I know I can’t protect them. I know ultimately these children are gifts that I’ve been given, to cherish and shape, but ultimately they belong to the Lord. And that’s the only hope I have, the hope I cling to. The unspeakable evil of this world breaks the heart of the Father, but he is steadfast. His love is unfailing and His plan is perfect. Someday we will leave the pain of this world and spend our days with Him. My prayer is that I can teach my children that lesson and that they will also trust in Him.

But for now, I rock them a little longer, pray a little harder, and squeeze them a little tighter.

Plan C?

I don't like the idea of spanking children. However, I think that sometimes and for some children, it's an effective form of discipline when done out of love by a calm and rational parent. That being said, it's always something I felt wasn't right for Carter and was only an option as a last resort.

Last weekend, Carter was being really bad, beyond just misbehaving. He was defiant, aggressive, and refused to stay in time out. After multiple warnings and other attempts, I did spank him. He laughed (not exactly what I was hoping for) and then turned to me and said:

"Mama! You need a time out! You hit me. Hitting is NOT NICE. Hitting is bad. You need a time out."

My two year old has totally outsmarted me.

Parenting in a Fallen World

I know myself well enough to know I would naturally become a helicopter parent. Left to my own devices, I would buy bubbles for both of my children. Avery’s bubble would protect her from the world. Carter’s bubble would protect him from the world, occasionally protect the world from him, and often protect him from himself.

However, I realize this isn’t always healthy and I want my children to grow into independent, responsible citizens. I occasionally read Free Range Kids and try to maintain an open mind. Recently, the blogosphere was up in arms about a post advocating leaving your kids alone at a park. Having a two year old and a one month old, I’m obviously not going to do that, but I guess I see the value for an older kid? I don’t know about alone, but maybe with a group of friends.
But then there are the Jaycee Duggards. The horrible stories that could have been prevented. Yesterday, an 8 year old boy was brutally murdered in New York on his way home from camp. It was the very first time his parents had allowed him to walk the seven blocks home on his own. I can’t even imagine what his parents must be thinking and feeling today, how you go on after such a tragedy.

I don’t know that I’ll let my children go to the park alone, or if I’ll secretly drive by to check on them if indeed I do allow them to go out without me. For now, I’m really thankful for my babies. And I’m glad I can still be a helicopter parent until I figure out all of this.

Introducing...

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

It's more than a fragrance by Justin Bieber

Right this moment, I would love an iced latte, leisurely sipped while lounging on the beach, watching Carter play on the sand, Avery sleeping on my chest, enjoying a nice chat with my husband.

But I'm avoiding caffeine (plus, if I drank it right now, I'd probably be staring at the ceiling for hours. not that I sleep much anyway). I don't have time to leisurely sip anything. Carter doesn't sit and play nicely, certainly not enough to watch him on a beach from a distance. Avery doesn't sleep much ever. And I very rarely get to "chat" with my husband lately.

Someday, it will happen. For now, not so much. But it's worth it.

Two Years

Dear Carter,

Today you are two years old.

Woah.

I had to take a moment after I wrote that to let it sink in. I should also apologize that this letter probably won’t be my finest. Life with a newborn and a toddler takes a toll on your brain cells, among other things.

You have turned from our precious baby into an amazing little boy this year. You are incredibly active and always on the go. You run just as much as you walk. You love to kick balls and throw, and let me tell you, you’ve got a wicked arm already.  You can kick on the run and might already be more coordinated than I am. Your mind moves as fast if not faster than you do. You love to dunk your basketball and request one more dunk most nights.

You are all boy. You LOVE trucks, especially fire trucks, buses, and trash trucks. You play with your trash truck, keep an eye out for our trash man, you even know that Wednesday is trash day. You also love trash cans. In fact, you point them out all the time in public. People probably think you’re a little odd when you excitedly announce the presence of another trash can. You also love spatulas. I don’t know why, but I even bought you your own spatula. Your favorite show is Sam the Cooking Guy and you love to help cook. You also make pretend soup all the time. It’s your favorite bath time activity. You add all the ingredients (“Need some chicken! And some rice! And some olives!”) and mix it all up and have us sample your masterpiece. You warn us about the temperature (“it’s hot! Need to blow on it!”) and proclaim your pleasure with a hearty exclamation of “mmm good.” You’ve recently discovered how to open the microwave and tell us frequently that you’re “makin’ pizza” which apparently means pulling out the metal circle thing under the tray and running around the house with it. You love music and dancing, aka shaking your booty, along with most noise and chaos. You love school and all of your friends there. You’re the first one to learn everyone’s name and tell us about the new kids. You experience new things there and have really grown a lot there. You love to do crafts and delight in showing them off.  You and Stella are buddies now. She tolerates your throwing things on her head because, although occasionally it’s a sippy cup or fork, usually it’s a piece of your dinner. Did I mention we’re working on not throwing food? Among many other things. You spend a lot of time in time outs and having chats about all the things we don’t do, such as climbing tables, playing with the stereo, blowing raspberries, demanding whatever you want, etc. I’m hoping those lessons sink in very, very soon.

Our life feels like mass chaos right now, and you fit right in. It’s quite busy around here, mostly because of you. I honestly can’t keep up with you sometimes. Last week, you were chasing the dog and you ended up going in circles around each other, you trying to catch her tail while she tried to lick you in the face. That pretty much sums it up.

Obviously the first year of your life was full of just that, firsts. First outings, first Christmas, first everything. This year was full of some of the same events, but they were totally different experiences. We watched you come alive at the zoo. The funny thing is you were most excited about the trash cans and the bus tours circling the park, but at least you had fun. You fully embraced Halloween and loved Trick or Treating. Your first Christmas was so special, but your second Christmas was full of joy as we watched you begin to understand and experience it. However, you did have pneumonia and ear infections (which we found out a few days later) which put a damper on the holiday. That’s also why we have about 2 pictures of you smiling and dozens of you looking upset. We battled a lot of sickness this year. You’re an excessively tough kid but this winter was brutal on all of us. We spent a lot of time at the doctor’s office. I’m pretty sure the staff at the urgent care was beginning to recognize us. Hopefully that means that by the time you start kindergarten you’ll be immune to everything.

You are talking so much. Your verbal skills are off the charts. You tell us all about your day, your likes and dislikes, what you saw on the way to school, even events that occurred months ago. Several months ago we were at church and some boys playing basketball hit a dumpster with the ball. You still tell us how “the basketball hit the trash can!” Sometimes you recreate the scene by throwing your ball at your toy box. You have an incredible memory. Sometimes too good. If we ever tell you something is going to happen, we might as well ink a contract. If we say you can have a specific snack after nap or tell you we’re going somewhere in the morning, that’s usually the first request out of your mouth the second you wake up. I am constantly amazed at the things that come out of your mouth. We tried to keep a list of the words you could say, but we lost track a long time ago. You are also the funniest two year old I have ever encountered. You understand comedy and nuance and make up silly jokes and stories. At some point you realized we were laughing at something you said and you ran with it from there.

You are a great sleeper. Thank you so much for that. After so much battling in the early months of your life, you’re making up for it now. You sleep from 7pm to 6ish, sometimes 6:30 and you need a solid nap in the afternoon. You love your schedule and if we miss the nap window by even 15 minutes, it’s trouble. You will sit in your crib for hours yelling, laughing, singing, anything but sleeping. Speaking of your crib, a few mere days before your sister was born, you learned to climb out. Your dad and I were out in the living room while you were supposed to be falling asleep and all of the sudden we heard a very loud thud on your door. Occasionally you will chuck a toy at the door, but this was different and I knew right away you’d escaped. I rushed in to make sure you were okay. Not only were you okay, you were DELIGHTED. You squealed with joy as you sprinted around your room, beyond thrilled with yourself. In the next few days, you’ll be getting a new bed. I wanted to minimize the changes we threw at you at once, so for now we’re watching you vigilantly on the baby monitor.

You are a wildly independent, strong willed little being. You are definitely a handful, perhaps two, right now. Some days you wear us out and we just about collapse by the time you go to bed. Your school has written on a few daily reports that you had too many timeouts to count. This challenges us as your parents (especially once you hit the “Terrible Twos” around 18 months) but we try to embrace that side of you.  Most of your mischief is driven by curiosity and your independence. I pray that you harness that side of your personality and become a confident, independent person, someone who won’t be swayed by something you don’t completely believe.

A few weeks ago, you became a big brother. When we first found out I was pregnant (you were in your dad’s arms when I told him, so it was a bit of a family moment), your exact words were “uh oh!” You had a sense that the baby was a girl from the beginning and always said it was a baby sister. I worried how a sibling would affect you, how you would react to less one-on-one time, having to share your parents. I’m happy to say it’s been a very natural transition and you seem to be handling it just fine. It has given me so much joy to see you in your new role of big brother.  Avery already watches you and listens to your voice. She’s probably thinking “oh, that’s the crazy noise I heard all the time.” As I mentioned, you are wild and energetic and loud, but when you hold Avery, it’s almost like a transformation occurs. You whisper to her, gently hold her hands, and rub her head so sweetly. I’m still not leaving you alone with her or moving out of arm’s length, but it’s actually quite amazing to see a different side of you.  

We love you so much Carter. You bring a deeper joy and love to our lives that we never knew possible. We laugh more than we ever could without you. I can’t wait to experience another year of life with you and see you continue to grow. Happy birthday my sweet boy.

Love,

Mama

One Month of Avery

Dear Avery,

Today you are one month old! To be honest, this has been one of the most demanding and challenging months of my life. It has also been one of the most joyous.

From the moment you came in to the world, we knew we were in for a wild ride with you. You were six days past your due date and showing absolutely NO signs of ever coming out. So, we opted for the induction to start the process. Everything happened so fast and when you were ready, it only took four pushes before you were in my arms.

You are a fighter and firecracker. Several people have commented on your personality already. One particular lactation consultant told us repeatedly how strong willed and feisty you are. I have to say that you come by that honestly. After a few days, we were having a really tough time with breastfeeding and that’s been the saga of our month. From what we can gather, we’re pretty sure you were latching wrong and when we encouraged you to latch correctly, you more or less told us “forget you people. I don’t need you!” and just stopped eating. We’re hoping this rebellious spirit ends before your teenage years. I was so committed to trying to give you the best start in life and we spent a lot of time and energy trying to make it work. Breastfeeding has many benefits, including protection against infection and illnesses, lower instances of allergies and asthma, enhanced development and intelligence, and more. Well, after the month we’ve been through, you better be the healthiest and smartest child ever.

It is probably a really good thing that you are a strong little lady because you were born into a strong family. Your brother is a wild man and there’s always a whole lot of chaos going on around here. You don’t seem to be bothered by that.

You keep us on our toes. There’s no magic wand with you, something might work one day and not the next. Your dad keeps pointing out that comes with the territory, you are female after all. You love the blinds and sleeping on your dad’s chest (when, of course, you WILL sleep, which you won’t do very often). You yell like a drill sergeant. It’s not a normal baby cry, it really is like you’re barking orders at us. “Hey! I want food! Hey! Pick me up!” You escalate from mildly unamused to full blown furious in about 4-6 seconds. But there’s also a soft sweetness to you. You like to be held and cuddled. You snuggle in our arms. You smiled at me for the first time yesterday and it was absolutely beautiful. That smile could break a lot of hearts, so use it wisely little girl.

You are surrounded by people who just love you to pieces. Your brother adores you. As crazy and wild as he is, he likes to sit still and hold you. He wants to talk to you, hold your tiny little hands in his (which now seem massive), rub your head ever so softly. As soon as he walks in the door from school, he asks about you and wants to see you. He even picked your middle name. It’s really very sweet to see you look at him and listen to his voice. I’m glad you have each other and I pray that over time you two are the best of friends, even though I know that means partners in crime.

We’ve loved the crazy adventure of the last month and we look forward to many, many more. However, we’d like to ask that you please be kind. A little more sleep, perhaps? We’re so glad you’re here.

Love,

Mama

The weeks following (you might want to skip this too)

Without going into massive amounts of boring detail, we've had a rough couple of weeks with Avery learning how to breastfeed. Since we left the hospital, we've had 4 appointments with lactation consultants,  have an appointment with an ENT specialist, and are trying all kinds of things to try to get this baby to get this whole thing down.

The first sign that something was wrong was INTENSE pain, worse than labor and delivery, and resulting trauma  to me. We think what's going on is Avery is tongue tied and can't suck right so she's more or less cheating and ends up chomping more than sucking. Plus, I'm overproducing and it's too much for her. We're trying lots of things to correct both of these, including possibly clipping the frenulum under her tongue, but she'll still have to learn to suck correctly. For now, we're mostly giving her bottles that force her to eat correctly and I'm pumping. That means lots and lots of washing bottles and parts and me spending about 50% of my time directly devoted to feeding this kid. We haven't had to give her formula and we're praying that sometime soon everything falls into place.

Of course, on top of that, I also had a UTI a few days after we got home that wasn't responding to antibiotics, so resulted in a trip to urgent care and maddening pharmacy experience. Carter also had a trip to urgent care this morning for a rash that will keep him out of daycare. His school is also closed next week, which makes it tough to do everything we're trying to do with miss Avery and Seth went back to work this week.

We're really thankful for friends and family. We really couldn't have made it this far without them. My mom came over and spent the night to get up with Carter last Monday so we could just sleep for a few hours between Avery's feedings. I'm also personally thankful that no one is here to judge the state of my kitchen floor or evaluate the choice of meals Carter is getting. Sometimes dinner standards just have to be lowered.

A birth story (so skip this if you don't want to know!)

Avery's due date probably should have been May 16. May 16 came and passed, as did the next several days. We were a little surprised by this because I was convinced she'd come early. I had been having contractions for weeks and they were getting stronger and stronger, and even my doctor said on May 5 that she thought Avery might come that weekend. Well, she didn't. Finally we made the decision to induce once she was 6 days late.

We packed our bags, kissed Carter goodbye and headed off to the hospital expecting a long day. We checked in at 7am, started pictocin around 8am and the doctor broke my water around 9am. I was about 2 cm then. By 11:34, I was 4 cm. Todd showed up around 12:30 and Seth went with him to go get some lunch. At 1pm I was up to 5cm. In fact, I texted my mom at 1:01pm to say I was making slow progress.

Soon after that, Avery started taking longer to recover from the contractions and started worrying the doctor a bit. Seth and Todd came back from lunch just as the doctor was about to add some fluid to help her. Seth stayed and the doctor looked up at me and said "oh, well, you're fully dilated. that's why." Things happened really fast then as the nurse and doctor got ready. I did a practice push and was quickly told to stop! A few minutes later, everything was ready and I started pushing. After about 4-5 pushes, she was out. I went from 5cm at 1:01pm to holding a baby at 1:36pm. My mom missed the whole thing. Seth came back just in time or we would have had to track him down in the cafeteria.

We've learned that Avery is a strong willed little lady. She was just going to stay right where she was and once it was time to be born, she was going to do that exactly how she wanted as well. But she's here! And we're soaking in the moments with her.

She's Here!

Avery Elizabeth Jobin
Born May 21, 2011 at 1:36pm
7 pounds, 7 ounces
20 inches long
















More to come on her birth story and her fast and furious entry into the world and the battles since then...

Soundtrack to an almost two year old

These are the things we hear constantly from our sweet little interrogator:

"What dat noise?"
"Mama!! What you doing?"
"What dat called?"
"What happened?" (usually with much concern)
"Why?" times a billion.

And his most recent response to just about everything "Because why." Which is funny, because we've never used "because I said so" or anything along those lines, he just decided "because why" would be his default answer.

oh, and also...

Why does toddler bedding have to be hideous? I don't want my kid's room to look like nick jr. threw up in there. I refuse to buy diego or backyardigans or yo gabba gabba or something even more atrocious. I just want something cute, a little bit more grown up than a nursery set, and maybe not cost $500.

Bad timing

When I first found out I was pregnant, we had about a million things to figure out. Many of these decisions came from the reality of adding another child without adding another bedroom. At first, the baby will be in our room and eventually she and Carter will share a room. We decided a few months ago that we would wait to transition Carter to a toddler bed until he adjusted to the baby, not wanting to overwhelm him with changes. After all, that was the one and only place we could really contain him and that is quite appealing with a newborn in the mix.

Apparently, Carter is not at all concerned about overwhelming us with changes. During yesterday's nap, Carter crawled out of his crib. We heard banging on the door followed by maniacal laughter and we knew right then we had a serious problem.

We're holding off the bed transition since today is technically my due date and any day now we're going to be spending a few nights in the hospital, leaving Carter with someone else. Our boy is wildly independent and stubborn and I have a feeling that crib to toddler bed transition is going to be tough. We don't want to send in someone else for that battle.

Fortunately, I bought a video monitor last week in preparation for the bed transition and the new baby. Serendipitous timing really, because now we can spy on him and make sure he isn't about to break free. Last night, he fell asleep just fine in his crib. Right before I went to bed, I went in to check on him. He was in bed, but he had somehow managed to wriggle out of his pajamas and was stripped down to his diaper. So, you win some, you lose some.

Trend setter

For us, one of the hardest things about having children is naming them. Seth and I like very different types and styles of names, but we do both prefer less common names.

When Carter was born in 2009, the most recent name lists were from 2007. Carter was #80. By 2009, Carter was up 30 spots.

So now, our top choice is Avery, which was #52 a few years ago. Then it was 38, then 32. The stats were just released for 2010 and now it's #23 for 2010. But still in the 70s for California. We sure know how to pick the rising stars in naming trends.

Full term!

How far along? 37 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I’m thinking about 30-35 pounds, but I haven’t actually been weighed recently because my doctor likes to cancel my appointments. It’s been 16 days since my last “weekly” check up.

Maternity clothes? Yeah, but only the ones that still fit.

Sleep: Fitful, anxious, not enough.

Best moment this week: Easter and spending a special day with Carter. When Seth photoshops some of my chins out, I may share a family picture from Easter.

Food cravings: I may have eaten ice cream for dinner. In an opaque bowl so Carter didn’t know/ask for some.

Labor Signs: Nothing new, just lots of irregular contractions

What I miss: Space in my house, the baby gear is starting to take over.

What I am looking forward to: Being done with work (which is tentatively planned for next Friday). I feel very, very done but I still have much, much to do.

Weekly Wisdom: Sometimes a little ice cream is a good dinner.

Milestones: I’m officially full term today! But hoping little miss stays put a few more weeks.

A moment.

Yesterday as I was getting ready for church, Carter wanted to chat with my belly. I asked him if he wanted to wish his sister a happy Easter.

He very sweetly hugged my belly and exclaimed "Happy Eeesir baby sista!"

He then proceeded to bolt into the bathroom on a mission and yell, with escalating excitement, Happy Eeesir toilet!"

I'm that mom.

I'm slightly militant about the amount of sugar I let Carter have (or, not have, really). He doesn't even drink juice.

Yesterday he spotted a bag of freeze dried yogurt melt things I bought for his Easter basket. He asked for "couple of those guys?" with the sweetest little face. Not to mention he was sick and I had just picked him up a little early from daycare where he was couped up in a highchair to avoid spreading germs, so I gave in.

His eyes lit up and he said. "Yummy! More candy please!"

Yup, my kid thinks yogurt is candy. Someday he may totally rebel and dive head first into the chocolate river ala Augustus Gloop, but for now I'll embrace it.

New expression.

Carter has embraced a new response. It goes something like this:
"(Gasp/Sucking in air)!!! Wow! That's cool." If you remember Skeeter, the best friend/sidekick from old school Nickelodeon's show Doug, that's pretty much exactly what he sounds like.

He's really into asking "why?" and "what are you doing?" right now. I've gotten this response to various things, including changing a diaper, cutting up your potsticker, washing the dishes.

It's nice to have such a supportive audience.

NOT music to my ears.

Something you don't want to hear from your doctor when you're 35 weeks pregnant:

"Would you be interested in being induced early? Because I have to go out of town."

Meaning, she'll be on vacation for a week before and a few days after my due date. We've decided we're not inducing a week and a half early for no real medical reason. So, either I'll be early and my actual doctor will deliver the baby (judging by how things are going, I have a feeling baby girl isn't going to stay in there until her due date anyway) or some random doctor and I will have the world's most awkward introduction.

Mama's little baby

Last night Carter wanted to sit in my lap, but as I really have no lap, he ended up kind of slinging himself across me and holding on for dear life, his limbs spilling over my arms. I tried to cradle him a little and he looked up at me and asked "mama's little baby?" Thinking it was the sweetest thing ever, I responded "yeah, you're still mama's little baby. You'll always be my little baby!" He responded by laughing and said "that's slilly!" 

He won't be a teenager for 11 more years and he's already making fun on my sentimental moments.

35 Week Update

The average weight of the baby at 35 weeks pregnant is 5 pounds, 4 ounces. Baby girl is measuring at 5 pounds, 12 ounces. Carter measured 7 pounds, so I'll gladly take  slightly above average.

That's my boy.

Carter spent the weekend with grandma so Seth and I could take one last trip away before going into lockdown for the next ten years or so. Here's a picture she took of him:

And here's a picture my grandpa took of me, probably around the same age:

Also, shoulder ruffles must have been super cool when I was a toddler.

discretion, people!

Tuesday night we were out getting some frozen yogurt and the cashier asked me when I'm due. Then she told me this:

"Oh, my sister's due in May too. You're kinda like her, smaller. It looks weird on you."

Maybe don't tell a pregnant woman she looks weird.

Where does he come up with this stuff?

Carter's getting pretty good at memorizing books and I've started trailing off and letting him finish some sentence. He's usually right. Last night we were reading a book that starts: Baby Penguin has lost his mommy so he goes off to find her.

Me: "Baby Penguin has lost his..?"
Carter: "MIND!"

Two months and counting

Today is March 18, exactly two months from my due date. Also, pregnancy is 10 months.

How far along? 31 weeks, almost the size of a large jicama (p.s. baby center really needs new comparisons)
Total weight gain/loss: About 20 pounds, which sounds like a lot until I catch a glimpse of my backside, and then I realize exactly where those 20 pounds are.
Maternity clothes? Most definitely. I may never leave them. And I'm still considering PajamaJeans.
Stretch marks? A few
Sleep: Need more! I’ve reached the really bad sleep part of pregnancy.
Best moment this week: nothing too major sticks out
Movement: Yes, lots, but still not as crazy as Carter was. She’s getting lots of hiccups lately.
Food cravings: fruit. I left Henrys last weekend like a pirate with scurvy.
Gender: Girl!
Labor Signs: A few contractions here and there, but nothing major
Belly Button in or out? In and out a little on top… weird.
What I miss: sleep
What I am looking forward to: Spring. I’m excited for new beginnings. It’s been a rough few months and I feel refreshed by the hope of a new season. And Easter candy being more readily displayed.
Weekly Wisdom: Courtesy of my husband: “a wise man once told me never argue with your pregnant wife particularly about food”
Milestones: hitting the two months remaining mark?

Stream of Conscientiousness

Last night a very wild Carter ran into our bathroom where the acoustics best lend themselves to an echo. He slammed the door behind me and proceeded to yell toward the shower:

YECKO!
WOOT! WOOT!
Wanna go college!!
YOOOO SEEEE ELLLL AY!!!!

All of this flew out of his mouth over about 5-10 seconds. That last UCLA was accompanied by hands thrown in the air. Can you tell he's being raised by Bruins?

Really? At CHURCH?

Another blogger I read posted about an incident with her son that inspired me to post about my own experience, one that I still get a little fired up about, even after a few days have passed.

One thing I love about Carter's daycare is that he gets to explore his world with other kids. He's grown into a (sometimes overly) confident little adverturer and really thrives at his school. He loves this little playhouse they have in the backyard. He delights in running in there, playing with his friends, exploring the sink and the doors and the windows.

Our church also has a TOT lot and the very same playhouse. Let me start by emphasizing TOT. Also, kids are supposed to be supervised at all times.

Carter was playing in the tot lot on Sunday under the watchful eyes of both parents. He decided to go explore the little playhouse. What I couldn't see was the little girl inside the playhouse. Now, the playhouse is big enough for two kids. But she didn't think so. As soon as he opened the door she shoved him backwards and he fell back on his bum on the threshold. She proceeded to kick him out of the way so she could slam the door on him.

Here's the thing: Carter is rarely innocent. He's started pulling hair and actually had one biting incident. I understand kids aren't perfect, and certainly mine rarely is. But he's a toddler testing his boundaries and we are always right there to correct him, correct, and administer a time out when necessary. Honestly, if I'd seen the little girl in the playhouse I probably would have encouraged him to play with something else. However, she was probably about five, old enough not to forcefully act upon a toddler. Her parents weren't there and should have been. Maybe it's a good thing they weren't there because I would have expressed my displeasure with the situation and there's a good chance it would have been more from the mindset of a protective mama bear. Instead, we scooped up a very confused and stunned little boy and left immediately.

This incident, which was probably less than 60 seconds, has really stuck with me all week and caused me to ponder. One, I hope my kids don't beat up on children 20% of their own age. Two, it's sad that it's church, not school, that we have to worry about. Three, how do you correct other peoples' kids when it comes to the safety of your own? And, perhaps, critique other parents' parenting? and four, most importantly, how do I let him explore the world knowing he will get hurt? Eventually, I won't be able to scoop him up and protect him. You know, when he's like 30.

Once again, I think I'll just buy him a bubble and keep him close at all times.

so blessed.

As I was thinking about Carter's Easter outfit (because I plan things months in advance), it just occurred to me that next year I will get to buy an Easter dress. After almost two years of trucks, nerf guns, wrestling, etc. that's very foreign, especially since I was pretty convinced I'd never have a daughter to buy a dress for.

Our family pictures for Easter 2011... mama is not going to look so hot with only a few weeks until delivery. but Easter 2012, those will be adorable.

Approaching the questions we can't answer

Last week something went down between stella the dog and some unfortunate bird. We're not really sure what, since we didn't find anything other than feathers. Maybe it was just a play date? This is one of the spots where the feathers appeared:

Yesterday Carter went out to give Stella her morning treat and took one look at the feathers and turned to Seth and asked, very concerned, "wat happand a birdie?"

I don't know how he knows that feathers mean birds, lots of feathers are a bad thing, and I certainly don't know what did happen to the birdie. Somehow that seems like a fairly advanced level of understanding and concern coming from a 20 month old.

Pretty soon I'm going to have to start referring him to his father for explanations of the foundations of physics.

I am so not cool

Of all the Oscar nominationed movies this year, I have seen exactly zero. Maybe it's because I have a toddler, a full-time job, a demanding life, and an attention span challenged by some 30 minute television shows, but still, NOT ONE!

A family resemblance.

Like mother like son. Son has better technology.